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I had planned to write something about the Borderlands series, but that will have to wait. I have something I need to get off my chest first. It's very personal, and I hope the two or three of you who follow my sparse blog will spare me this moment. I joked in my review for the bizarre...

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Tell GR: How Could Michael Bay Destroy The Ninja Turtles Even More?

Posted on Tuesday, March 20 @ 17:00:00 Eastern by

I grew up with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (or Hero Turtles, whatever). They remain some of my favorite pieces of pop culture, even as they drift into obscurity and I put on more and more rose-colored glasses. I even have a copy of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Secret of the Ooze signed by Ernie Reyes Jr. (Keno from the movie).

So... when I got on the internet today and heard from people in the chat that there would be a new live-action Ninja Turtles movie, I went through a wide range of emotions.

First I saw "bay" at the end of the URL. I knew instantly that hate was brewing in my soul. Then I saw the following:

"When you see this movie, kids are going to believe one day these turtles actually do exist when we are done with this movie,” said Bay as he took the stage to discuss his new vision for the reptilian reboot. “These turtles are from an alien race, and they are going to be tough, edgy, funny and completely loveable."

Fuck you Michael Bay. They are your average, ordinary turtles, mutated by radioactive ooze and trained BY A FUCKING SEWER RAT NAMED SPLINTER WHO WAS ALSO MUTATED.

I swear to God, I'll murder you if Splinter doesn't learn all of his karate from a man named Hamato Yoshi. What's that? Oh, Michael Bay has responded to my pure, burning hate and desire to murder him:

Fans need to take a breath, and chill. They have not read the script. Our team is working closely with one of the original creators of Ninja Turtles to help expand and give a more complex back story. Relax, we are including everything that made you become fans in the first place. We are just building a richer world.

... As badly as I want to see a new Ninja Turtles movie... in live-action, this seems 10x worse that the Venus De Milo days.

How could Michael Bay make this new TMNT movie even worse?

Related Games:   TMNT
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