DAILY MANIFESTO

Top 5 Video Game Characters In Need of Deodorant

Posted on Thursday, June 2 @ 15:32:00 Eastern by Daniel Bischoff

I don't need to tell you that all of the heroics, ne'er-do-welling and general action have an effect on the body odor of your favorite characters. This list is an attempt to encourage you to avoid the following game characters in the real-world. Believe me, you'll smell them coming.

Top 5 Video Game Characters In Need of Some Deodorant

5. Niko Bellic (Grand Theft Auto IV)
Without a doubt Niko Bellic stinks. He comes fresh off the boat from God-knows-what Eastern European country and he's anything but fresh. Chock up a Liberty City Minute (a 30 hour playthrough) and Niko could easily send all of those ladies you've got buzzing your cell phone running. I don't care if you're wearing that nice new suit from Perseus. Niko might look good, but there's no way this guy is smelling anything but nasty.

4. Chell (Portal and Portal 2)
Ladies aren't going to catch any breaks on this either. Chell might be the heroine in a futuristic lab where robots can't smell her, but it's a good thing you can't smell Portal's physics-defying protagonist either. When Chell wakes up in the original Portal, we have no idea where she's been. You don't think all that running around, jumping, and almost getting baked like a cake would make a girl stinky? Never mind that she's been laying in bed for hundreds of years in the beginning of Portal 2.

3. Ezio Auditore da Firenze (Assassin's Creed II, Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood)
Sure, Ezio gets laid all the time and has an entire harem of Italian courtesans ready to distract those inept guards at any time, but none of that matters. Ezio stunk! Climbing up all those walls, running around on rooftops and diving into the Venice waterways and random piles of hay is a sure fire way to work up a stinky sweat. The only reason the games don't call Ezio out for it is because everyone in 16th century Italy stunk pretty bad in the first place.

2. Nathan Drake (Uncharted)
Yes, it's true, Drake still manages to catch his share of ladies. It helps that the guy has to be loaded after so many huge heists. As another game character traipsing about in European sewer systems, there's no way he's smelling fresh and/or clean though. I can understand Drake's lifestyle, but even Indiana Jones had time to wash up at the beginning of each of his movies. I guess the fact that Drake still bags so many females is testament to how good looking he is.

1. Mario (Super Mario Bros)
Could it have ended any other way? Mario Mario obviously stinks. First of all, he's a plumber. Have you ever met a clean-smelling plumber? No. They're up to their elbows in your poop all of the time. If you need further proof that Mario could thin paint with his odor, here's a rapid fire list of why Mario stinks up the Mushroom Kingdom:
-He's been wearing the same clothes for over 20 years.
-He'll go from outside in the heat and sunshine, to underwater, to a stinky dungeon cave filled with reptiles.
-He still hasn't gotten with the Princess despite rescuing her countless times
-The sheer volume of sporting activities alone would imbue the man with a stink no shower, mushroom, or superstar could possibly wipe away.

Tags: mario, uncharted, Assassin's Creed, portal, rockstar games

Comments

De-Ting
Joined: Nov 2006

Posted: Jun 2nd, 2011 at 4:09 pm
In one word: HA!

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Lien
Joined: Feb 2008

Posted: Jun 2nd, 2011 at 4:16 pm
What about Link? I mean it's medieval times where people bathed 3 times a year (4 if you counts weddings), used leeches for headaches and pigs skins for paper! of course he stinks, no mater how many times he goes into that water temple.
Or master chief (yeah i said it!) in his suit of his for the entire game! You know how astronauts don't bathes in space and use diapers instead of toilets? now imagine a space marine...
And don't get me started with red dead redemption...

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cyberjim2000
Joined: Feb 2010

Posted: Jun 2nd, 2011 at 4:20 pm
What about characters that the player made like in Oblivion or Fallout 3? I don't know about you guys but I never take a bath in those games.

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De-Ting
Joined: Nov 2006

Posted: Jun 2nd, 2011 at 4:55 pm
You can simulate bathing in Oblivion and Fallout...but you're right, almost every NPC doesn't bathe.

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usaglory
Joined: Mar 2009

Posted: Jun 2nd, 2011 at 6:10 pm
I'd imagine Beast from X-Men must stink pretty badly, he is a beast for heaven's sake.

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Klandathu
Joined: Apr 2008

Posted: Jun 2nd, 2011 at 8:16 pm
How about the good people of Pandora? I didn't see many showers in Borderlands, and between all of the exploding insects, dead bodies, and the entire planet being one colossal garbage dump, those guys (and girls) had to smell pretty ripe.

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xmod14
Joined: Feb 2012

Posted: Feb 16th, 2012 at 4:49 am
yeah and dead island

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Mistaza
Joined: Oct 2007

Posted: Jun 2nd, 2011 at 9:30 pm
Show me a game with a sewer level, and I`ll show you a character who smells like one.

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gonzar09
Joined: Jun 2007

Posted: Jun 3rd, 2011 at 2:15 pm
Alrighty people i'm a little surprised no one said Cole McGrath. The guy gets killed/hurt by exposure to water of any kind, climbs buildings all the time, is constantly running around, never changes his clothes, and, to top it all off, has to go sewer surfing every time the lights go out anywhere. That has to be one stank mofo.

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gonzar09
Joined: Jun 2007

Posted: Jun 3rd, 2011 at 2:18 pm
and dont get me started on the ninja turtles and their master splinter.

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UpAndAtThem
Joined: Mar 2009

Posted: Jun 20th, 2011 at 1:41 pm
How about Amaterasu from ÅŒkami? The smell of wet dog is pretty potent. And for those who haven't played the game, she actually get urinating and defecating "attacks" later in the game! After running around shÎ¯tting on demons for days on end, even goddess powers aren't going to keep her smelling fresh.

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pukshd
Joined: Dec 2011

Posted: Dec 10th, 2011 at 10:22 am
Lara croft ?

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xmod14
Joined: Feb 2012

Posted: Feb 16th, 2012 at 4:47 am
what about scorpio from just cause 2 i mean hes running around in the desert all day

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gorillazgh
Joined: Feb 2012

Posted: Feb 20th, 2012 at 8:46 pm
Mario has taken showers before ,remember that opening scene in super star saga

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Dreamscourge
Joined: Nov 2012

Posted: Nov 4th, 2012 at 11:59 am
Does NO ONE remember The Great Mighty Poo?
Those who do need no further explanation, and to those who don't: see name.
Enough said.

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