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FEATURED VOXPOP oblivion437
Finally Broke My Crowdfunding Rule
By oblivion437
Posted on 01/12/15
I've had a long-standing rule to avoid getting involved in any sort of crowdfunded activities.  I didn't donate to Shadowrun or Wasteland, but I did buy and enjoy both of them (I'm plugging both of those games right now, just so you know they're good).  I haven't...

DAILY MANIFESTO

Top 5 Video Game Characters In Need of Deodorant

Posted on Thursday, June 2 @ 15:32:00 Eastern by

I don't need to tell you that all of the heroics, ne'er-do-welling and general action have an effect on the body odor of your favorite characters. This list is an attempt to encourage you to avoid the following game characters in the real-world. Believe me, you'll smell them coming.

Top 5 Video Game Characters In Need of Some Deodorant


5. Niko Bellic (Grand Theft Auto IV)
Without a doubt Niko Bellic stinks. He comes fresh off the boat from God-knows-what Eastern European country and he's anything but fresh. Chock up a Liberty City Minute (a 30 hour playthrough) and Niko could easily send all of those ladies you've got buzzing your cell phone running. I don't care if you're wearing that nice new suit from Perseus. Niko might look good, but there's no way this guy is smelling anything but nasty.

4. Chell (Portal and Portal 2)
Ladies aren't going to catch any breaks on this either. Chell might be the heroine in a futuristic lab where robots can't smell her, but it's a good thing you can't smell Portal's physics-defying protagonist either. When Chell wakes up in the original Portal, we have no idea where she's been. You don't think all that running around, jumping, and almost getting baked like a cake would make a girl stinky? Never mind that she's been laying in bed for hundreds of years in the beginning of Portal 2.

3. Ezio Auditore da Firenze (Assassin's Creed II, Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood)
Sure, Ezio gets laid all the time and has an entire harem of Italian courtesans ready to distract those inept guards at any time, but none of that matters. Ezio stunk! Climbing up all those walls, running around on rooftops and diving into the Venice waterways and random piles of hay is a sure fire way to work up a stinky sweat. The only reason the games don't call Ezio out for it is because everyone in 16th century Italy stunk pretty bad in the first place.

2. Nathan Drake (Uncharted)
Yes, it's true, Drake still manages to catch his share of ladies. It helps that the guy has to be loaded after so many huge heists. As another game character traipsing about in European sewer systems, there's no way he's smelling fresh and/or clean though. I can understand Drake's lifestyle, but even Indiana Jones had time to wash up at the beginning of each of his movies. I guess the fact that Drake still bags so many females is testament to how good looking he is.

1. Mario (Super Mario Bros)
Could it have ended any other way? Mario Mario obviously stinks. First of all, he's a plumber. Have you ever met a clean-smelling plumber? No. They're up to their elbows in your poop all of the time. If you need further proof that Mario could thin paint with his odor, here's a rapid fire list of why Mario stinks up the Mushroom Kingdom:
-He's been wearing the same clothes for over 20 years.
-He'll go from outside in the heat and sunshine, to underwater, to a stinky dungeon cave filled with reptiles.
-He still hasn't gotten with the Princess despite rescuing her countless times
-The sheer volume of sporting activities alone would imbue the man with a stink no shower, mushroom, or superstar could possibly wipe away.
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