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Call of Duty will never be the same
By oneshotstop
Posted on 07/28/14
       We've all been there. Everyone remembers that mission. You and your partner are climbing up the mountains in the snow, striving to pull some slick clandestine operation about getting some intel on a bad guy, or something similar (because let's face...

DAILY MANIFESTO

Xbox Gamers Are Better Lovers, Says Study

Posted on Thursday, April 4 @ 15:52:47 Eastern by

According to a new study polling partners of gamers about their sexual prowess and platform of choice, Xbox gamers are the best in the sack.

Out of 1,747 sexual partners of UK gamers polled, 11% of gamers were rated as "excellent" lovers, 27% were considered "good", 26% "average", and 20% were shamed with a rating of "below average". Ouch. Nothing hurts those feels than being called "below average" anything, nevermind your love-making skills.

Out of these poll questions, Xbox gamers actually ranked the highest with the largest percentage of "good" lovers, at 54%, and 22% being called "excellent". Imagine? Every time some punk is raging on Xbox LIVE about how he fucked your mother, it means your mother would probably have the best time she's had since you were conceived.


Wii gamers fared well, with 47% of the voting in their favor being "good" or higher. Probably because Wii gamers are skilled with toys, and incredibly fit from all that Wii Fit and exercise games. Plus, all that shaking the Wiimote results in supreme masturabatory skills, and with practice comes prolongment. 

Sadly PC gamers are pathetic in bed, according to their partner's ratings in this poll. A mere 8% were considered "good", and even less, an absolutely pitiful 3% were called "excellent". So much for being the Master Race. Your disk drive must be too floppy, and I know you never get your USB stick inserted correctly on the first (or second) try. C'mon, now.

PS3 gamers sadly aren't specifically mentioned, which could either mean that they we're somewhere in the middle, or it's because we left our partners speechless after the pounding we gave them, and they were unable to vote. Or more realistically, everyone is still updating their firmware.

What does this all mean? Probably nothing. I mean, how many of you are really getting laid anyway? Thought so. It also means, gamers, that it's time to level up your skills through some serious grinding.


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