Posted on Wednesday, May 1 @ 23:36:51 Eastern by Daniel Bischoff
Activision saw fit to officially reveal Call of Duty: Ghosts in a teaser trailer, confirming the game's existence and also that it was a game about men. Men who like to fight, pose, and stare intently. Men are warriors! We fight for fun and also for blood! We are macho mask-wearing MOTHER F***ERS.
The average Call of Duty player isn't a man. He's a prepubescent boy, he's in his prime swearing time. This is when the lack of body hair, voice cracking, and mysteriously soaked sheets combine to give him the most creative racial and homophobic slurs. It's also when he gets to sign up for his own Youtube account on the family computer.
Well, the average Call of Duty player seems... excited...(?) for Call of Duty: Ghosts and he's taken to the world's greatest stage to proclaim that fact. He's 100% sure it'll be the best/worst Call of Duty ever/yet. Well that wasn't good enough for me, so I dug deeper into the comments. That's right! I went back an entire hour! I wanted to see what the reaction to Ghosts was like and Youtube exists so I put on the mask I wear to deal with life's hardships and here's what I found:
Some left-wing Battlefield nut job wastes no time jumping into the comments to confirm that he said he wanted to fight someone. Well duh! You're in the Call of Duty comments. You don't belong here! That's what all these Call of Duty fans are trying to tell you. "Wake up buddy," you're being an asshole!
What kills me is that someone has already gone ahead and secured the crucial Youtube channel of CallOfDutyGhosts. I'm sure the top 5 killcam show is gonna go real well.
Is your shift key broken? Youtube etiquette 101: if you want people to know you're not faking it and you actually are crazy, be sure to engage Caps Locks. You know, Call of Duty critics everywhere could learn from this guy. First, he's succinct. Second, he makes total sense as CoD=Waste-of-money is the central argument all haters are trying to make. And third, Modern Warfare 2 is excellent and you should play it.
This Youtube user posits that Call of Duty: Ghosts will use a three day cycle just before Ghost's death in Modern Warfare 2 so you can try to save him by completing different gun temples. At least that's what I thought he was saying until I got to the end.
"lol cod noobs". Dammit, he got me.
If even our Call of Duties can't preoccupy the glorious leader, what hope is there for... oh... he's trying to eat his copy of Black Ops II right now? Please, glorious leader, you're embarassing yourself. We'll feed you later, now get back to finding the winner of the Youtube contest.
What did I learn?
Some people seem to be really excited for Call of Duty: Ghosts... like defensively so... like you can't tell them anything negative about Call of Duty or they start screaming at you. And I'm not talking about a ghoulish scream, although that would be appropriate. It's more like a screech and it warbles a lot.
Other people seem to be really angry that Call of Duty fans get to be excited about anything. Seems like some of them are jealous of Call of Duty fans because Call of Duty: Ghosts is a thing and those fans will get to play more Call of Duty. Kim Jong-un is this special brand of jackass.
What did I learn? Nothing. I guess we'll just have to see Call of Duty: Ghosts for ourselves... and then... write about it here so you can read all about it later.