The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess Member Review for the Wii

What's All This Nonsense With A+?

Looks like I'm a bit late in writing the review for Zelda: Twilight Princess. This is the first Zelda game I've played since that first Zelda for the Nintendo 64 (I forget the name; Ocarina of Time?). I pretty much hated it, considering I sucked with puzzles at the time. Plus, I was like, what, 6? Anyway, since I've heard such amazing reviews and scores on this brand new Zelda for the Wii, and on many different websites, I said to myself "What the hell, let me take another shot at it". And so I did.

It's definitely better than the Nintendo 64 Zelda, that's for sure. Or it may be just that I'm older. However, it is definitely not A+ material. And yet I see about, like, 10 reviews with an A+ for this game, an A or 2, and a C+. That guy who did the C+ one was closer to the mark. Zelda: TP is a good game, but definitely not the Holy Grail of Gaming. Now, on to the scores on the sections.

Graphics - A-

The graphics are very, very nice. Link has never looked so... so sexy. Rawr. Ahem, anyway, the details in everything are crystal clear. The landscape is also nice, but a bit repetitive, hence an A-, instead of an A. Still, a great improvement from the Gamecube Zeldas (I haven't played them, but I've seen others play them, screenshots, etc.)

Music/Sound - B

The music itself is alright. The little song with the grass, and the howling of the Zelda wolf is cool, since you can do it yourself, but it's probably used for some kind of puzzle or 2. However, what I hate is there is no voice-acting. Instead, there's some little stupid sound the character makes when he/she starts talking, sometime with an exaggerated action, like a character sweating furiously and shaking when the character's nervous. When the monsters die (please, I know monsters isn't the correct term, but I don't care), it sounds so childish. On the subject, how the hell did this get a teen rating? Ah, nevermind, probably some alcoholic content.

Controls - B+

Ah, here's where the Wii really comes in. The controls for the sword was a bit disappointing at first, but it was still fun. The controls for the projectile weapons (bow, boomerang, slingshot, etc.) were a lot more fun, but less used for combat and more used for puzzles. Plus, with the projectile weapons, it sucks when you have a limited time you have to shoot at something, but the sensor bar can't pick up the remote, so, in short, you get screwed. Moving around is still the good old analog stick, with the jumping and all that the same old buttons. Still, retro's not all that bad, am I right?

Storyline - B-

Save Princess Zelda and the kingdom of Hyrule; good God, who could've guessed that? A monkey, that's who. And guess who the main character is? If you said "Marshall", you obviously have a sack of rocks for a brain. Then again, you can change the character's name, but most people stick with Link. And guess what; you can ride a HORSE! Oh gee, ain't that swell? However, you can teleport to places, so that horse is just gonna grow old, fat, and lonely. Poor thing.

However, just those are the things that are the same. Except for vanquishing darkness and evil, but c'mon, let's be fair, all games have that. Anyway, the story begins with "insert name" sitting around with his sword master, looking at some damn lake, and the sword master tells "insert name" that he's too lazy to deliver some sword to Hyrule, so he makes Link do it. Of course, he makes it sound important by saying there are "monsters in the forest". But, c'mon, we all knows he's kidding around.

Skipping a few non-important events, "insert name's" midget friends are kidnapped, and he himself gets konked in the head by a club. After waking up, he runs to save the runts,  but gets sucked into some dark portal (points for originality there), and transforms into a wolf. Then some annoying... thing (I don't know how else to describe it, sorry) offers to help "insert name" get out of the prison he got transported to. And that is how the story begins... basically... after skipping lots of parts... yep.

Overall - B

Reasons are explained in the intro. Zelda:TP is definitely not the perfect game, so people, please stop treating it like that. It's becoming nauseating.