Launching Today: The Worst Remake Ever

You know what I love? The World Ends With You. Man, that game is the bomb. Riveting story, layered characters, excellent art and sound design.
 
And the combat system? Don’t even get me started. Complex and unique, a perfect balance of real-time and rhythmic, turn-based flows that made excellent use of the DS’s touchscreen.
 
You know what I don’t love? Sh*tty, tablet-based, casual gaming, over-priced, half-assed nonsense. Like this port of my beloved WEWY on, of all things, iOS. God help us all.
 
The World Ends With You: “Solo Remix” (those quotes are totally sarcastic, b-t-dubs) puts Neku and his partner on the same screen – I will avoid an off-topic rant here regarding the symbolic importance of Neku’s separation from his friends by a giant bar of plastic – where, I’m guessing, they’ll both be controlled by touch.
 
To be fair, the D-pad based rhythm combat in the DS version was a little clunky, especially while fighting with Beat, but the rhythm of it was what was important. You know, Neku’s gotta synch with his friends, find the flow of life…
 
Anyway, with only one screen to work with, the combat becomes kind of a clusterf*ck. Just look at that mess.

And they remixed the music. Of course. After watching the trailer, I had to go listen the original version of "Calling" about five times to clean out my ears.
 
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go find a hipster with an iPhone and smack him over the head with my badass Zelda 3DS.

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