More Reviews
REVIEWS Boss! Review
PlayStation Vita owners looking to exercise a little frustration can look to this rather low-fi title about creating a monster and destroying everything in your path.

KINGDOM HEARTS HD 2.5 ReMIX Review
Part 2 of Square-Enix and Disney's cooperative compilation cash-cow is ready to milk the series for another go, but does the milk taste sweet or is it spoiled?
More Previews
PREVIEWS Evolve Preview
With multiplayer action set as its focus, Evolve surprised us earlier this month by introducing a single-player campaign mode where you can switch between mercenaries.
Release Dates
NEW RELEASES Kalimba
Release date: Out Now

Persona 5
Release date: 12/31/14

Motorcycle Club
Release date: 01/01/15

Atelier Ayesha Plus: The Alchemist of Dusk
Release date: 01/14/15


LATEST FEATURES Downloadable Content Walks the Line Between Fun and Frenzied in Middle-earth
I don’t even care all that much for the Lords of the Rings brand, which makes the content falling under Shadow of Mordor’s Season Pass a pleasant surprise.

Ugly Christmas Sweaters for Gamers
If this awful trend is going to persist, you may as well do it your way.

LEADERBOARD
Read More Member Blogs
FEATURED VOXPOP KevinS
RIP Ralph Baer (1922-2014)
By KevinS
Posted on 12/07/14
RIP Ralph Baer (1922-2014) I really, really hate writing obits. I really do. But I take it as a personal honor to be able to say good things about the men and women I respect, whether in this industry or just in my life, and Ralph Baer is the reason all of this exists in the first...

GAMING NEWS

Dead or Alive 5 Preboob, erm, Cleaview, er, Dang it, PREVIEW. (TGS)

Posted on Thursday, September 20 @ 03:54:25 Eastern by Heath_Hindman

Some things never change. Among the world's unchanging wonders, one can list the size and the physics of the boobs on Dead or Alive's cast members. I haven't played a Dead or Alive game since the first PlayStation and was surprised (not really) to see them still being just as over-the-top as they were in the first game.

I mean, I knew the girls dressed skimpy and they had big jugs, but I wasn't sure about the hyper-bouncing physics. Those things are still just plain defying every law of motion and physics and time and space and gods and men that scientists and theologians have spent millenia documenting. If I were the universe, I would be mad as hell. But I'm not the universe, I'm a male human married to a somewhat jealous female human, so I have to hide the fact that I kind of enjoy glancing at the digiboobs.

Insecure about my relationship, I chose to play as some old Chinese man with a hat. Gen Fu? Kung Fu? Kung Lao? I don't remember and I didn't write it down.

"See, world, I'm not interested in the boobs, I'm really here for the fighting game!" I passive-aggressively told the world around me with my pick.

"Now my opponent's gonna show me some boobs," I schemed.

I was matched up against a dude in a karate gi. Skunked. Oh well. I complained that he looked like someone out of Virtua Fighter, and the booth attendants told me that "He is from Virtua Fighter! That's Akira!" They need to learn how to argue, because that is not a very good comeback, honestly.

Gen Fu, man, can't throw. I wanted to pull off a sweet throw because I love doing that in fighting games, but whew, this guy was stinking up the barn. And barns smell horrible. He can do enough other stuff for me to take out karate boy though.

It's Dead or Alive, and I just knocked out a dude with a dude, so here come the big ol' titties! Right?
I drew Hayabusa next.

Me: "FUCK THIS SAUSAGE FEST!"
Booth guy: "なに?"
Me: "I said, 'FRANK'S RED HOT IS BEST!'"

My boner rage destroyed Hayabusa and I was ready to end Tokyo if I didn't get some sweet action in the next fight. Boom, Sarah Bryant baby, dressed in something that makes absolutely no sense to walk around in, let alone fight a kung fu master. But seriously, she'd like, take a single step forward and her boobs would bounce so hard I thought she was going to lose a tooth. This is awesome but so, so bad at the same time.

Oh and the ah, fighting game itself was fine. It's 3D fighting with the Dead or Alive twist. You know the deal. Seemed fun enough.
Related Games:   Dead or Alive 5
Tags:   Tokyo Game Show
FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.


More from the Game Revolution Network




comments powered by Disqus