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GAMING NEWS

Grand Theft Auto "V" Cast Revealed By Snoops?

Posted on Monday, March 7 @ 21:39:15 Eastern by

I don't know about you, but I spent the weekend recovering from GDC. This involved a heavy dose of sleep, very little writing, some Advil, and a few games that are neither new, nor noteworthy. (I finally started Metal Gear Solid 4, for those of you who are interested).

Still, the gaming news world moves on. Gamers are an inquisitive bunch, so when steps can be taken to find out more about an unannounced, highly anticipated game they're going to be... well, taken!

Such was the case over the weekend with a certain unannounced title out of Take-Two Interactive. Ever since five phony websites were spotted and linked to Take-Two Interactive, speculation about Grand Theft Auto "V" has been rampant. Almost as widespread and fierce as speculation was after Grand Theft Auto III. Back then, we were looking for Grand Theft Auto IV. Amazing how long it took us to find it.

Internet snoops have since traced the clues to "Rush," a project many of which are linking to GTA V. The fires were only stoked further when a supposed casting list for "Rush" was found on a Hollywood Talent Agency. Here's the cast list in its entirety. Try and tell us it doesn't sound like quite the parody on Hollywood stereotypes. Notable is the fact that they these roles are definitely not set in the 1940s as they would be for an LA Noire cast.

Mitch Hayes: 38 – Annoying, wise cracking, highly successful FBI agent. In great shape. Does triathlons, drinks low cal beer, but still has a sense of humor.
Miguel Gonzalez: 25 Young Mexican American FBI agent, caught between a few mob bosses. Very clean cut
Clyde: 23 – Moronic, almost inbred and creepy white trash hillbilly. Very naïve but in a creepy ‘itÂ’s only incest sort of wayÂ’
Brother Adam: Welsh monk / cult leader / yoga teacher – 50, very lithe, very into exploring your personal tension through gripping massage. Needs Welsh accent.
Mrs Avery: Neurotic soccer mom, home maker, 48, anxious and addled on pain killers. Very angry at neighbor MRS Bell.
Mrs Bell: Swinger, and mellow Californian divorcee. 45. Ugly but comfortable with self.
Eddie: 47 – Weed evangelist, guy who started smoking at 30, and is now a leading proponent of marijuana’s fantastic properties. White, awkward.
Ira Bernstein: 56 – publicist for an actress known as America’s newest sweetheart who just so happens to love animals, orphans, drugs and sex. He’s always trying to hide her latest indiscretion.
Kevin De Silva: 18 – Albert’s fat, FPS playing gamer son. Smokes a lot of weed, has anxiety issues and a card for a bad back, very soft, very opinionated. Into making racist comments while playing online.
Harut Vartanyan: 42-52 years old – Armenian car dealer, moneylender, would be Fagin and would be bully. Heavily connected to the underworld, but irritates people so much no one likes him.
Nervous Jerry: 48 – paranoiac living in the sticks, near Simon, completely paranoid, and terrified of Simon.
Calvin North: 55 – clapped out FBI agent who now mostly works offering advice on TV shows – whose only claim to fame turns out to be entirely false – but a decent guy in other ways. Badly dressed. Divorced. Putting on weight.
Jerry Cole: 53 – disabled IT expert and criminal information vendor.
Rich Roberts: English hardman actor, 35, who acts tough but who wants to do serious work - the only problem is he can't quite read the words.
Alex: white 52 yr old loosie goosie hippy rich guy who has lost his money and is getting desperate but trying not to.
Scarlet: 45-52 years old – unshaven female spiritualist and hippy with a love of exploring the wilderness. Very into journeys.
Chad: 29 – pretty boy misogynist Beverly Hills party boy. Made money, but not as cool as he thinks he is.
Tae Wong: 39 – somewhat incompetent Chinese mobster, loves doing ecstasy, going to raves.
Taes Translator: 45 - VERY STRAIGHT LACED Chinese translator, terrified of his bossÂ’s dad. Male, awkward. Needs to speak Chinese.

All those personalities seem to line-up with the typical cast of a Grand Theft Auto game. Could Chinese mobsters be on loan from Chinatown Wars? Maybe the movie industry will play a big part in Grand Theft Auto: Get Shorty?

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