More Reviews
REVIEWS Dark Souls II: Crown of the Sunk Review
I was confident in my Dark Souls abilities. Then From Software released new Dark Souls II DLC.

The Swapper Review
One of 2013's best indie games swaps its way to Sony platforms.
More Previews
PREVIEWS Pillars of Eternity Preview
For Obsidian's crowdfunded love letter to Infinity Engine games like Icewind Dale and Baldur's Gate, I was impressed by its willingness to pull back the curtain and let me see the machinery behind it.
Release Dates
NEW RELEASES CounterSpy
Release date: 08/19/14

Tales of Xillia 2
Release date: 08/19/14

Plants Vs. Zombies: Garden Warfare
Release date: 08/19/14

Madden NFL 15
Release date: 08/26/14


LATEST FEATURES An Updating List of PlayStation 4 Updates We Want
Sony and Microsoft have been updating their consoles regularly, but we wanted to share our own ideas for updating the PS4 firmware.

An Updating List of Xbox One Updates We Want
Microsoft has launched Xbox One and done its best to follow Sony's lead and its even secured some exclusive software, but we want more.
MOST POPULAR FEATURES Picking Your Gender: 5 Industry Professionals Discuss Queer Identity in Gaming
Women from Naughty Dog, ArenaNet, Harmonix, and Gamespot unite to talk about what they want from games in terms of diversity.
 
Coming Soon

LEADERBOARD
Read More Member Blogs
FEATURED VOXPOP oneshotstop
Call of Duty will never be the same
By oneshotstop
Posted on 07/28/14
       We've all been there. Everyone remembers that mission. You and your partner are climbing up the mountains in the snow, striving to pull some slick clandestine operation about getting some intel on a bad guy, or something similar (because let's face...

Army Men: World War Final Front Review

Dr_Moo By:
Dr_Moo
03/01/01
PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION
EMAIL TO A FRIEND
GENRE Action 
PLAYERS 1- 2 
PUBLISHER 3DO 
DEVELOPER  
RELEASE DATE Out Now
T Contains Animated Violence

What do these ratings mean?

Maybe the military could use more money after all.

Staring blankly at the white canvas on my monitor, I attempt to begin yet another game review. Having been cranking these things out for almost 5 years now, game reviewing has become almost second nature. Just sit down, grab a drink and whittle away the day blabbing on and on about graphics and gameplay.

But every so often, I get slammed in the face with a seemingly incurable case of writer's block. I suddenly find myself at a loss for words. My vocabulary sinks to grade school slang. I know that I have plenty to say about a game, but I have no idea how to say it.

Folks, this is one of those times. Army Men: World War - Final Front, a game with more names than hours of gameplay, has led me down the path of inarticulate bluntness. I keep trying to come up with a brilliant, witty way to tell you what I think about this game, but I just can't escape the binds of the block. So rather than crack open the thesaurus for some fancy, ill-fitting jargon, I'm just going to come right out with it.

THIS GAME SUCKS. Also, IF YOU BUY THIS GAME, YOU ARE AN IDIOT.

No thought-provoking analogies or colorful witticisms necessary, people. But if you insist on actually reading this thing, I'll at least do you a favor and try, damned hard as it is, to tell you why this game should be taken out to the rifle range and executed. And no, it shouldn't get a last request, unless that last request is to be eaten by wild dogs or something.

The pain begins when you turn on the game. After a scintillating intro movie that feebly attempts to capture the grit of an old black and white war film, you're treated to what has to be the lamest menu screen I've seen since Cannonball Blitz on the Apple II. The font looks like it was done by a first-grader using finger paints....a first-grader with horribly misshapen fingers.

The game itself is a third-person action disaster. You play the green army men, and once again you have to rid the world of the evil tan army men. Then, if there is any justice in the world, mom will come along and rid the world of the green army men, too. A man can dream.

The single player game is a linear affair pitting you, the green guy, in dumpy mission after dumpy mission against the tans. The complexity ranges from "Go shoot all the tans" to "Go shoot all the tans, then get in a tank. Then shoot all the tans." Someone shoot me.

The graphics in Army Men: World War - Final Front are so bad it's almost worth seeing. There's more pop-up here than a whack-a-mole table. The textures are grainy and feature pixels the size of small children and the army men themselves move with alarming stiffness. Don't trust those screenshots, because you really have to see things moving to get the full retarded effect. The PSX never looked so old.

In classic Army Men fashion, the gameplay blows. You run around shooting at guys who have the intelligence of a slab of cardboard. In fact, they pretty much function as cardboard cut-outs, just standing in one place following a ducking/standing up pattern that must have been programmed in all of 10 minutes.

To vary the thrill, you can occasionally control vehicles like tanks and submarines. So now you get to shoot at tan pieces of cardboard with a bigger gun. Please, slow down the fun train, because I'm getting sick!

The multi-player attempts to add depth by throwing in 4 play modes. The only interesting one is Capture the Flag, which lets you place allied soldiers on the map to defend your flag. It admittedly ups the complexity, but considering that the fun factor is already in the toilet, that ain't saying much.

But I am. In fact, I've said far too much already. I have no idea why or how 3DO keeps releasing these crummy Army Men games. They've become the laughingstock of the gaming community...and we're not laughing with you, guys, we're laughing at you. Please let this truly be the final affront.


F Revolution report card
  • I don't have to play it anymore!
  • This
  • game
  • is
  • horrible
    Reviews by other members
    No member reviews for the game.

More from the Game Revolution Network




comments powered by Disqus

 


More information about Army Men: World War Final Front


More On GameRevolution