Confidential Mission Review

For your eyes only.

Greetings, secret agent. Yes, I said secret agent. So secret, even you don't know! You probably don't remember this, but you are actually agent Howard Gibson or Jean Clifford. With that disguise you're wearing it's kind of hard to tell. My name is G and I have a mission for you.

Some terrorists have hijacked the World Coalition's super spy satellite. We believe they plan on using it to listen to the leaders of the world sing in the shower. Intelligence is kind of sketchy now, but it's rumored that they could be working for a militant faction of music producers hell-bent on reviving Solid Gold. Then again, we could be completely wrong. In any case, you are to take part in Operation: SAVE THE WORLD.

The task is simple. Dust off that light gun you used to kill those zombies long ago and shoot everything in sight. Except the civilians, of course. You know how much paperwork that will cause.

Before you start off on your mission, there are plenty of training exercises to try just in case you need to brush up on your skills. Six different rooms will catch you up on your combo shooting, timing, and other important secret agent skills. But of course, you and I both know that training is pretty boring compared to the real deal. Who wants to stand around shooting target dummies when there is a world to save?

Now for a quick word about your adversaries. Easy to kill and in possession of no brain whatsoever, these evil monkeys, er, terrorists will pop up out of nowhere and take potshots at you. If you feel cocky, go for the famous "Justice Shot" by shooting the gun out of your attacker's hands. It's really nothing you haven't done before, but it's still great for showing off that superior skill of yours. You'll also notice that enemies respond accurately to where they've been shot. It's about time for them to learn a little lesson.

For this mission, you'll be equipped with the latest hit detection device. It will tell you exactly where you shot the last bad guy. It isn't particularly helpful in the downfall of the enemy, but the boys over in the weapons division thought it might be fun to know when you've shot a guy in the crotch.

There will also be the occasional sticky situation requiring the use of "special" toys. For this you are being outfitted with a "sticky shot" gun as well as a grappling hook. They can only be used in a specific location and your success or failure will lead you down different paths. Unfortunately, all roads lead to Rome, so to speak, and these small path variations seem like nothing at all.

I hope you like your standard issue gun because it is pretty much the only one you'll ever use. A few of the terrorists have assault rifles, which you can use, but the ammo on those things disappears faster than James Bond the morning after.

We anticipate this mission to be a fairly simple one. With someone of your skill, it should take all of twenty minutes or so to wrap up the case. There are only three parts to this job. The first takes place in a museum, the second on a train, and the last in the den of thieves. Do extremely well, and you'll open up a parallel universe with different enemy patterns. Not much, but I suppose if you must, you must.

Oh, and if you managed to get your hands on one of those light guns with an automatic setting, make sure you set it to normal. Anything else wouldn't be fair at all to those bad guys. You do want to play fair, don't you?

I'm sure you'll find this Confidential Mission exactly as you'd picture it. Short and to the point with lots of gun fodder. Oh, and I almost forgot. With recent industry layoffs and the NASDAQ plunging into the depths of darkness, the Confidential Mission Force no longer has the funds to pay you for your work. In fact, if you want this mission, you'll have to pay for it. It's a good thing it's only $20 or we might not have any takers.

Good luck, secret agent. This message will self-destruct in five seconds. If it doesn't, just hit 'Back' or something. There are spies everywhere!