Dragon fire bad!
The longest journey begins with a single step, and for me, that step was called
Back in 1983, I got my first 'job' in video games at the Captain Video arcade
in Los Angeles thanks to the release of this laser disc monster. Like any dorky
9 year-old, I spent most of time and my parent's money at Captain Video. I also
had a penchant for brown nosing, which paid off in spades when the staff at
Captain Video 'hired' me to play Dragon's Lair
See, the game cost 50 cents, which was double the going rate. Plus, it had
a big video monitor affixed to the top so that all the other geeks could laugh
at you when you died. And you died a lot
in Dragon's Lair
gathered around the machine, but no one played it.
That's where I came in. Given unlimited quarters by the staff, I'd pop a few credits and play, usually dying a few scenes before the last level where you fought Singe the Dragon. People would watch the moves and eventually screw up the courage to try it themselves. I was a rube, a shill, a 9-year old game whore, and I loved it.
also grew to love Dragon's Lair
, as did most gamers at the time. Its
fantastic look and success spawned a series of laser disc games (such as the
, the ruthlessly difficult Cliffhanger
and the rare but beloved Thayer's
), but soon enough the limited gameplay of this genre led to its demise.
No replay value for a game that only takes an hour to beat is sort of a big
So now some 20 years after its original release, Dragon's Lair
gets the update it's been craving with the aptly-titled Dragon's Lair 3D.
Unfortunately, not much has changed in the past two decades according to the
developers, and the revamped gameplay is simply stale in a brand new way.
You reprise your role as the brave, bumbling knight, Dirk the Daring. It seems
that once again stupid Princess Daphne has been captured and trapped in a glass
bubble, and it's up to you to save her. I guess the knight job doesn't pay well,
since you're the only guy around doing anything to fight evil.
Past Dragon's Lair
games (there was a Dragon's
, you know) were playable movies; the gameplay was comprised of a
series of Timing Elements. You didn't directly control Dirk so much as just
guide him along by pressing different directions right when they lit up on screen.
It boiled down to learning the patterns and timing - nail that and you've beaten
Well, all that's changed. As noted in its title, the world of Dragon's
has been transformed from a semi-interactive cartoon to a playable
cartoon universe. You take control of Dirk from a third-person perspective and
roam about a big evil castle in search of your precious princess while fighting
off hordes of goofy enemies.
In other words, it's turned into a very standard platform action game. Dirk still relies very heavily on his sword, though he hasn't learned any combos or anything aside from a 'press and hold' power up move. You just swing the sword back and forth and whack enemies over and over until they disappear.
The only new weapon is a crossbow, which can be equipped with three arrow types. Considering that he's been in the knight business for some 20 years, you'd figure he would have learned how to use an axe or a spear or something, but no such luck.
As you play through the game, you'll find a few new abilities to help you
pass certain obstacles. The most useful lets you glide after jumping, while
another protects you from basic fire. There's also one that turns your mana
(which is drained when using special abilities) into health, and one that lets
you find hidden doors.
But even these minor upgrades don't change the bulk of the gameplay, which
is dominated by 1.) Button mashing your way through some enemies; 2.) Solving
a simple puzzle to find a blue/green/gold key; and 3.) Endless amounts of irritating
Yep, just what gamers wanted: jumping on moving platforms as Dirk the Daring!
Sheesh. It's redundant and annoying. One level is even called 'Platform Madness'
as if this was a good, fun thing.
Though it tries to play itself off as a big change from the original game,
Dragon's Lair 3D
tends to play just like its granddaddy. Much of the
game is trial and error and learning patterns. You might try the same sequence
a dozen times before learning that you need to jump here, then duck and roll,
then kill that enemy, then jump twice to safety. It's just not very interesting.
But for old-school fans, it can be a kick running through a 3D version of
memorable scenes from the original games. You'll fight the Robot Knight on the
electrocution floor. You'll evade a giant 8-ball while running down a hallway.
You'll take on magical flying weapons in a smithy, swing from burning ropes
and even have it out with the big nasty Singe again. I'm a little disappointed
they didn't include the metal horse racing sequence as it would have been great
here, but overall the levels will please fans.
at least this time you don't have to worry about losing lives, since you have
an unlimited supply of continues. Sometimes you'll respawn at randomly set checkpoints,
but often you'll have to string together a series of maddening jumps and leaps.
Fall into the black abyss and you have to start over. This design was fine ten
years ago, but we're almost into 2003...couldn't they have come up with anything
The nonstop jumping isn't helped by the somewhat loose control. Dirk can hang
on edges of platforms, but the hit detection isn't the best and you'll sometimes
fall when you shouldn't have. There's also a targeting option for enemies, which
is somewhat useless since the basic AI is as threatening as a ham sandwich.
You'll kill everything just fine.
However, they look cool, since the graphic overhaul works nicely. The cartoony
animations are terrific, and the world is very bright and colorful. But we've
seen lots of toon graphics over the past several years in games like Wacky
, and though Dragon's Lair 3D
does it well, it's not nearly
as wildly impressive as it was two decades ago.
One of the problems here is that the game barely employs any actual cartoon
FMV to flesh out the plot. You get a short introduction animation, and then
nothing aside from a few in-game animation sequences until you beat the game.
For a game that started out as a full-fledged Don
cartoon, I really hoped for more.
The audio is equally mixed. The soundtrack and vocal cues are nice, but Daphne's B-movie princess voice is absolutely grating. Aside from some grunts and shrieks, Dirk is a mute.
Like the original, Dragon's Lair 3D
also has a brevity problem. You
can beat this game in a weekend, and there's not much else there to keep you
interested. They threw in a few self-aggrandizing movies glorifying the game's
history, but they're more like ads for the game and the developers than anything
To be honest, I had a decent time with Dragon's Lair 3D
, but not because
it's a good game. It isn't. It adheres to dated, formulaic gameplay far too
much and is over quickly. But I grew up on this game, and if you did too, you
will likely have some fun with this as a rental. Just don't spend any more than
a few quarters on it - you've wasted enough already.