Despite all my rage I am still just a gamer in a cage.
Launch lineups used to be about getting flagship titles out there for early adopters to spend hours on. What would the Nintendo 64 have been if there were no Super Mario 64 to play on it? These days, with 10-year console cycles, and no new Xbox 720 to buy, Kinect is being called a console launch all its own. Instead of just showing of the hardware, Kinect's launch lineup is also focused on legitimizing the device for all walks of gaming life. Fighters Uncaged does nothing to help prove Microsoft's new technology.
In the game, you'll control Simon, a "24 year-old Eurasian man who was born in Hawaii and grew up in Detroit". Simon is both a "delivery man and an accomplished fighter". Simon's father was a professional boxer and taught him "the art" of free fighting. If that isn't a recipe for a maligned youth with a penchant for street fighting, I don't know what is.
Free fighting is a really fancy way of saying "flailing your arms wildly". Motion controls have always been prone to this kind of action, but Fighters Uncaged takes it to new, unknown heights.
Training alone is a huge grind. Even skipping through a bulk of the tutorials, Fighters Uncaged will force you to fight your own dad four times before you get to head out into the real world and start kicking a stranger's ass. That's frustrating in its own right, but once you do get into an actual fight, the moves you learn in training won't help you.
In fact, the most successful move in my arsenal while I was playing the game was an attack I made all on my own. I call it the Spinning Bird Punch (TM): stick your arms out straight out, make fists, and then spin like hell. [Think Zangief's 'Double Lariat' ~Ed.] This devastating attack seemingly fooled the Kinect into think I was some kind of Ninja master, not seen since GR's own Nick Tan.
You have no control over where you fighter is. Instead, transitioning from long range, mid range, and close range distance is relegated to the types of attacks you're using. This system further exaggerates the problems with the game's controls. So much energy is wasted in simply attempting to play Fighters Uncaged. If you're far from your opponent, you have to throw a short range punch to move closer. If you're wondering whether that makes sense, you've already gone too far.
This might work out great for players looking to do some exercising, but there are a number of Kinect games specifically tailored to physical exertion. Fighters Uncaged is neither a game stay-at-home moms will want to play, nor is it a game a child will have patience for.
Trying your own hand at Fighters Uncaged may vary based on the environment you're playing in, but it still isn't recommended. Fighters Uncaged is an unnecessarily exhausting endeavor and it doesn't control well in any sense of the word. it's poorly designed, the graphics look like they could be from an original Xbox, and it made me want to stop playing Kinect altogether.
And really, Simon should spend his time going to night school, rather than fighting on the streets. Maybe he could become a cook or a mechanic. Maybe that's what you should be doing instead of playing this game.