More Reviews
REVIEWS Kinect Sports Rivals Review
It's been far too long since Microsoft's Xbox consoles had a Kinect-only title. Is the wait worth it?

LEGO The Hobbit Review
Lego the Hobbit isn't just your standard Lego game. It's a junior RPG built to charm and ensorcel you, brick by brick.
More Previews
PREVIEWS Hitman GO Preview
Murder at the swipe of a finger.
Release Dates
NEW RELEASES LEGO The Hobbit
Release date: Out Now

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows
Release date: Out Now

Trials Fusion
Release date: Out Now

The Amazing Spider-Man 2
Release date: 04/29/14


LATEST FEATURES Ouya's Best Games Coming to the Platform
The Kickstarter console is slowly establishing itself with a couple of creative gems on the way.

Tips for The Elder Scrolls Online: The Vestige's Guide
Just a handful of ways to keep yourself from dying.
 
Coming Soon

LEADERBOARD
Read More Member Blogs
FEATURED VOXPOP danielrbischoff
Peace in the Era of Call of Duty
By danielrbischoff
Posted on 04/15/14
In a world dominated by violent media, Americans are no more eager to go to war than they were in the 1980s or the 1960s or the 1940s. Hasn't it always been someone else's problem? The overwhelming majority would rather go on thinking it had nothing to do with them and there...

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra Review

Ben_Card By:
Ben_Card
09/15/09
PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION
EMAIL TO A FRIEND
GENRE Action 
PLAYERS 1- 2 
PUBLISHER EA 
DEVELOPER EA 
RELEASE DATE  
T Contains Fantasy Violence

What do these ratings mean?

More like G.I. NO!


Let’s get the important part out of the way first: This game is awful. I’ll expand on that in just a minute, but if you are considering a purchase, DON'T. It’s worse than the movie, if only because you have to participate in the crappiness.

click to enlargeNow that that’s out of the way, let’s dissect G.I. Joe’s undeniable shittiness. It’s an overhead style shooter in the vein of Smash TV, with guns that have the same capacity for ammunition as the ones you get in Contra but only half as great. And a Gears of War-style cover system of hiding behind the nearest wall like a pussy (Really... what kind of Real American Hero hides when shit gets hectic?). Worst, its story is actually worse than the shitty plot of the lousy movie it’s based on. I know that’s been mentioned already, but there isn’t much else to say.

G.I. Joe feels less like a full game and more like a game you would unlock after beating the actual game. For the first level or so, I was waiting for the real game to get moving and leave this unfinished arcade knock-off in the dust for something more complete.

Alright, alright, the core gameplay is at least functional. You shoot your guns and the baddies die eventually, though why it takes 30+ bullets to kill a normal baddie is beyond me. Cover is destructible, so staying put will result in an early grave, though dying has no significant consequence. Whenever you “die”, you switch to controlling your A.I. partner until your dopey ass respawns, which only takes about five seconds. Since dying has virtually no penalty, advancing through the game isn’t so much a matter of skill as it is a question of how much monotony one can endure. There’s local co-op, but no online mode, which is just as well since I can only hope that hardly anyone bought this. With game as lousy as it is, the local multiplayer is about as good as it can be.

click to enlargeThere are twelve different types of G.I. Jerks to choose from so you get a little variety within the blandness. You can play as Snake Eyes, but that’s hardly a reason to shell out $50. There is also this stupid mechanic where at a certain point in combat you can activate your accelerator suits, which makes you invulnerable for a brief period while wielding massive guns that all have ridiculous firepower. What makes this stupid is exactly when it becomes available. Your little “go ape-shit” meter fills up with time and by taking damage; but it only ever seems to be full when a fight is almost over, leaving you with only one or two baddies to kill, a single shot each, as you waste the rest of your super-power time trying to get to the next encounter so it doesn’t all go to waste.

(I’ve been asked to mention the G.I. Joe game for the NES and now that it’s been mentioned, there’s no need to dwell on it.)

The graphics are… well… shitty. There isn’t a nice way to say it. They hardly even belong in the PS2 era. In fact, I take back what I said earlier about its similarities to Contra, Smash TV, and Gears of War, because it really doesn’t deserve to be compared to any good games. After seeing what the average XBLA game looks like, releasing a game that looks this bland and unfinished should get you fired… out of a cannon.

click to enlargeWhen this showed up at the GR office, I was admittedly excited. “Great!” I thought, “Another movie tie-in to surprise the world!” I mean, X-Men Origins: Wolverine was great, The Chronicles of Riddick: Assault on Dark Athena could have been fucking awful given the source material but wasn't, and hell, Wanted: Weapons of Fate was head and shoulders above all expectations.

But such was not to be with G.I. Joe. The shooty stuff is okay, the cover is fine, the difficulty is all but nonexistent given your inability to die, but the worst part of all of this, the real slap in the face, is that it costs FIFTY !@#$ING DOLLARS. If this had been like 400 Microsoft points (or even less, really) or a free download, it would have been a nice little incentive, but EA in their infinite wisdom have deemed it necessary to charge you for this sub-par mediocrity . No, I’m being unfair, sub-par mediocrity would have been better than this suckfest.


D- Revolution report card
  • Very few typos
  • Shitty graphics
  • Bland story
  • Not challenging at all
  • No online support (not that anyone cares)
    Reviews by other members
    No member reviews for the game.

More from the Game Revolution Network




comments powered by Disqus

 


More information about G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra


More On GameRevolution