Loaded Review

Mamma is a pratt.

This action-shooter has perhaps the most interesting set of player characters to ever star in a video game. Every single one of them is a psychotic mass murderer. Trapped in the psych-ward of a prison planet, they have somehow obtained massive weaponry and must blast their way out. The instruction manual sums up the point of this game perfectly:

"If it moves, blast it until it DOSEN'T move. This goes for guards, inmates, other mercs..."

Well enough about the redeeming qualities of the game, lets meet the players:
-- First there is Butch, a cross dressing maniac with a flame thrower.
-- The one female character, Vox, is sexy and buxom (of course), but no less deadly. She prefers to kill with her personal sonic blaster.
-- FWaNK "cares not a jot about his fellow life forms, looking upon them as toys for his amusement or worse..." This charming fellow wears a bag over his head, painted with a clown face. He blasts people with 'neutron spheres', and carries his teddy-bear with him everywhere.
-- Cap'n Hands (no relation to Cap'n Crunch) is a space pirate's head on a cyborg body. He prefers his matched pistols.
-- Mamma is called Mamma because its the only word he knows. Big and dumb with a plasma gun.
-- Bounca is just a big mean guy with a missile launcher.

If none of those characters sounded good to you, Loaded is a game you should avoid. The graphics are just as disturbing. Bleeding bodies (or burnt ones) will litter the floor of any room you have visited. There is enough raw firepower in this game to satisfy anyone. There are plenty of power-ups and the weapons get unbelievably devastating. Nothing subtle here.

The top down, 3d view is flawless and lets you zoom in and out to your heart's content. It is just a little too dark it this prison though, and it is often difficult to see whats going on. You only have your weapon blasts to help light the way. Other times there are so many things shooting/blowing up/moving/dying that it is impossible to follow the action. A dark and crazy game for a dark and crazy mood.

The graphics in the Saturn version seemed just a tiny bit crisper, making it easier to see. Other than that, the PlayStation and Saturn versions appear to be exactly the same.

Another flaw is the size of the game. Its too big, (15 levels) without enough differentiation to keep it interesting. After your 10,000th kill, it's a more than a little repetative. And the mazes (oh the mazes), are simply enormous. Its easy to get lost. The game desingers forgot that this is an action game. Who wants to draw maps?

In the end you must kill the warden, who is apparently nuts as well. Why is he nuts? Well his name is Fat Ugly Boy (F.U.B.) and he wants you to come after him. He even has a big fat target painted on his big fat stomach and when he dies, he squirts blood everywhere. Go figure.