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FEATURED VOXPOP LinksOcarina This is another article from Blistered Thumbs I wrote, back from the dead after being buried in the way-back machine. I posted this back in April of 2013, and many of the issues present seem to be prevalent right now in some cases, namely the decrees of sexism and misogony. Considering current...

P.Y.S.T. Review

By:

06/05/04
PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION
EMAIL TO A FRIEND
GENRE  
PLAYERS 00 
PUBLISHER  
DEVELOPER  
RELEASE DATE  
MINIMUM SYSTEM REQUIREMENTS
T Contains Comic Mischief, Suggestive Themes

What do these ratings mean?

A PATHETIC PARODY!!!

As I opened the box to PYST, I was overcome with a sense of joy. MYST is one of the greatest games of all time and here in my hands was a parody of the mighty master of point-click-solve software. What I thought was that I had received a wonderful game with a comic twist... What I got was a horrifying disappointment.

The storyline behind PYST was nothing but a teaser. Since MYST, it's predecessor, had over 4 Million copies sold, PYST takes over from there allowing you to explore the same Island. The catch is that each of those 4 million plus explorers have turned the mystical island into a tourist trap wasteland. Graffiti, garbage, dead animals, trailers, and advertising have completely overrun the sacred place. Sounds interesting, doesn't it? So I loaded it up and began clicking away... I thought I was having trouble with the controls for a minute, but soon realized I wasn't playing anything like MYST.

The controls are horribly simple. All mouse controlled, you simply click on a picture or item when the pointer changes appearance. You can click on a seagull, for example, and it will squawk and shit. But unlike MYST, you cannot move around or explore the island. What you have to do is sad! You may CLICK the right border of the view screen and go to another prominent game screen retouched by the PYST 'art' team.

There are a grand total of eight screens in this "Fun family package". I don't remember the last game I played that had eight screens!!! It's simply way too little entertainment, even for a seven year old. You may also CLICK the left border to go back to the last screen or CLICK the top or bottom borders to see a postcard from a previous visitor. Some of the postcards are funny and some of the screen animations will make you chuckle.

The overall problem is that you really can't do anything at all. It's not even a game! You can only watch select animations by clicking the correct picture. Then click the right or left border to go to the next area. That's it!

The only two things that I did find humorous are the exploratorium and an X-Files postcard. The exploratorium has been changed to a "psychic astrology" reading room. When you pull down the panel in the chair, the buttons have astrological signs on them. Click one, and get a reading. The postcard was one from the main characters from the X-Files telling the other about the spaceship area. One other important thing I should mention is the on-line game extension. You can connect to the Internet in order to explore more PYSTical worlds and be bored out of your mind for hours...

If you like cheezy, dry, stupid, goofball comedy, PYST may suit you just fine, you moron. However, if you have limits to your madness, don't waste a dime on it!!! This is definitely the absolute worst game I've ever played. Someone on the planet will disagree. My suggestion is to find that person, buy a six pack of Hawaiian Punch and make a new friend...

F Revolution report card
  • Bad comedy at it's worst!
  • John Goodman, have you no shame?
  • It's not a game.
    Reviews by other members
    No member reviews for the game.


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