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Sengoku Turb Review

Duke_Ferris By:
PLAYERS 99- 99 


I've figured it out. I simply don't do enough drugs to understand this game.

This little Dreamcast doozy is the strangest, least comprehensable thing I have seen since Panic for the SegaCD. It is some kind of action / RPG, but that's about as much as I can tell. My Japanese is nowhere near good enough to understand the 'story,' but here is what I have figured out.

You are some sort of warrior-space-princess stick figure girl with one red eye and one blue. You begin the game by running from an explosion while wearing cats around your waist. Then you exchange angry words with the stick figure host of an alternative German dance-music show and proceed to cause more explosions by blowing up his love machine.

Then you fly your spaceship to an interstellar gingerbread man, where you jump out of your underground home and run off to see the king. The little round king and a tentacle woman order you to help their little one-foot high lego soldiers hack up some attacking waitresses from Denny's. Then you get bored and turn off the game.

If this title actually ever makes it to the U.S. with an English translation, I'll eat a bug. Or better yet, I'll eat my weight in peyote and then try to review it.

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