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Call of Duty will never be the same
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VR Sports Powerboat Racing Review

Jason_Zimring By:
E Contains No Descriptors

What do these ratings mean?

Conspiracy Theories

It doesn't take a genius to conclude that VR Sports Powerboat Racing fails as a video game. I figured that much out after playing the game for only a few minutes.

I believe the real mystery lies in the question, 'Why does this game suck so much?' To help solve this mystery, I have constructed a list of possible conspiracy theories. Please remember: these are only theories, and with the exception of the game itself as evidence, are not based on facts.

Theory #1: This theory involves a powerful powerboat tycoon, who we'll call Duke. For years, Duke has dreamed of increasing his already vast fortune by building up the sport (but is it really a sport?) of powerboat racing. He's tried everything, from bribing government officials to planning terrorist actions at NASCAR races, but nothing seems to be working. So Duke comes up with the idea of applying muscle to the video game industry in order to produce a powerboat racing video game.

He thinks the game will capture the attention of America's youth and propel powerboat racing to NFL proportions. But Duke forgot two important facts. First, 99% of America's youth have never heard of powerboat racing, and would therefore never be interested in playing the game. Second, powerboat racing is boring. The tracks are very straightforward and basic. I beat the first three tracks the very first time I tried. That's just too easy for a video game. The laps take forever to run, and lot of that time is spent going down 10-12 second straight-aways interrupted only by gradual turns.

In short, Duke's latest scheme turns out to be just another failure to add to his list. I guess he just didn't understand that this hum-drum sport will never capture the attention of the video game population.

Theory #2: This theory involves an espionage mission, by a spy we'll call Colin. Colin was hired by other video game companies to infiltrate VR and sabotage their newest game - VR Powerboat Racing. Colin's orders were to make the new game very similar in overall structure to other, superior racing games, such as Jet Moto 2 and Need For Speed 3: Hot Pursuit.

So he gave the new game similar options, such as tournaments, different boats with different skills, and nine courses. But then Colin made the boats all look the same, gave the tracks boring scenery, and made the tracks boring to drive. In fact, when you get to the upper levels and need to race four and five lap races, as opposed the three lap races you run at first, I usually couldn't even stay interested enough to even finish race.

The one cool thing that managed to slip by his sabateur eye is that some tracks actually change mid-race, usually for the last lap. Other than that, though, Colin left out all the bells and whistles that make other racing games great.

The other companies' motives were simple: To force VR Sports to make a racing game of such poor quality that their games look even better to the casual videogame player, thus boosting sales.

Theory #3: A young go-getter...lets call him desperately trying to climb the VR Sports executive ladder, hoping some day to become a Vice President. Right now, though, he is in charge of graphics for the company's low budget games.

He knows that if he can come up with a new, innovative, award winning game, he will surely get a promotion. Yet, unfortunately for Ben, the harsh demands of the corporate world have drained him of his creative juices. As a result, Ben begins to get devious.

He goes through the archives and finds an old 8 bit Nintendo boat racing game he remembers playing as a kid. He transplants the game's graphics into his new game - VR Sports Powerboat Racing. This leaves Ben's new game with unimaginative, boring graphics. Although Ben has made the graphics 3-D, they just don't compare well against most of the other 3-D games that have come out in the past couple years. While the graphics do at times make you feel like you're riding waves, this effect turns out to be more nauseating than exciting.

So thats the whole scoop, directly from deep throat. Beware alien probes, alert Keven Costner, keep your eye on the grassy knoll, and don't buy Powerboat racing.

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