KO, Not OK. Review

KO, Not OK.

I sat
through
a few
Muay
Thai
kickboxing
bouts
while
off
roaming
around
in
Thailand,
and
if
it
weren’t
for
the
prodigious
amount
of
rum
and
Coke,
I might
have
passed
out
from
the
sheer
violence.
Watching
a guy
lose
a tooth
to
a fist
is
one
thing,
but
watching
the
tooth
almost
land
in
your
aforementioned
drink
after
a knee
to
the
mouth
is
another
thing
entirely.

Yet despite its overseas popularity, the sport never seemed to take off in

the States. Instead, mixed martial arts events like UFC

and Pride have appeased our bloodlust by offering

all kinds of broken bones, bloody noses and even the occasional chokeout.

K-1
actually dates back to 1992, making it the oldest of the popular martial arts
circuits (the UFC started in 1993), but the event hasn’t gotten much gaming
attention with only a few weak offerings over the years. K-1: World Grand
Prix is the first next-generation version of the sport, but it will also
likely be the last. This is a lackluster brawler that’s more in love with the
fighters than the fighting.

And unless you’re a big fan of K-1 already, you won’t know who any of these

guys are. I recognized a few of them thanks to ESPN at 2 a.m., but for the most

part it’s strictly hard-to-pronounce international fighters galore.

The
gameplay
is
incredibly
straightforward
–
punch,
kick
and
knee
your
way
to
success
in
3
to
5
rounds
of
occasionally
brutal
fighting.
There’s
a
stamina
meter,
a
health
bar
and
a
little
homunculus
representing
damage
to
either
your
head,
body
or
legs.
All
par
for
the
course.

But the fighting system is woefully unprepared to enter the ring. You can pull

off a few pre-set combos for each fighter by pressing the “Combo” button along

with an attack, but it’s so dumbed down it feels cheap. There’s also a “KO”

button that throws a big shot when coupled with an attack button, but these

aren’t very interesting and the different fighters don’t have many unique attacks.

No quarter-circles? No actual button combos? No alternate stances? No fun.

The thing is, you won’t really need much of that, as you can do remarkably well with some strategic button-mashing from start to finish. The AI has a hard time when you mix it up, and you can basically go undefeated by alternating between low and high attacks until your thumbs hurt.

K-1‘s
sluggish
control
could
use
a
healthy
application
of
KY.
Considering
how
fast
and
brutal
the
sport
is,
you’d
expect
some
quick
moves,
ducks
and
dodges.
If
you
moved
like
this
in
a
real
fight,
you’d
literally
get
your
head
punched
off.

There are plenty of modes in K-1, but all roads lead to the same stale
fighting. Grand Prix lets you fight for a while until you win the title, Exhibition
lets you set up matches however you see fit, and basic Time Trial and Endurance
modes crop up for good measure. There’s also a Revival mode that lets you relive
famous rounds in K-1 history, though they sure don’t look very memorable when
you watch the accompanying videos. Nice body blow, Jorgen.

The

game’s most notable mode, Champion’s Revolution, is one of the worst Career

modes I’ve ever seen. There is no option to create a fighter; rather, you just

take one of the K-1 guys through the Grand Prix mode, beefing up stats along

the way by engaging in boring little training sessions. I suppose this could

have been tolerable, but after about 6 or 7 fights you’ll reach the Championship

tournament, after which you take on fighter after fighter without going back

to the stats screen to buff out your guy. So essentially the interesting part

ends after fewer than 10 fights, leading to a shorter career than the Dell

dude.

Plus, it’s just not hard enough. I beat the Grand Prix mode in about an hour and a half on my first try. I completed Champion’s Revolution in the same time without losing one fight. I beat 21 straight opponents in my first shot at the Ironman endurance mode. You can up the difficulty, but the standard level should have been far more challenging.

K-1‘s delivery is also less than stellar. Though the framerate is fine
and the animations are decent, the backgrounds are cheap and there is no damage
modeling whatsoever. No blood, sweat, or teeth – just the occasional cheek bruise,
unless that’s just a smudge on my TV. I’d love to figure that one out for you,
but there’s no instant replay aside from a short repeat of the knockout punch.

As this is a Konami game born in Japan, the music is mainly canned heavy metal
thunder. The ring announcer speaks so slowly, I swear he was an extra in “Awakenings.”

Konami
is
also
known
for
their
hidden
modes,
and
K-1
certainly
supplies
the
bonus
material.
You
can
unlock
a
few
videos
for
every
fighter,
as
well
as
a
cute
but
still
boring
mini-game
called
“Robok,”
which
is
just
a
Rock
‘Em
Sock
‘Em
version
of
the
standard
fighting
game
using
little
blocky
robot
guys.

The K-1 tournament might be a big hit internationally, but this game cannot
hold its own against the likes of Tekken, DOA
and Virtua Fighter, not to mention the soon-to-be-classic
Soul Calibur 2. Diehard fans of the sport who already know these fighters’
names by heart will probably get some kicks out of it, but the rest of you should
just kick it to the curb.