Shocking News: Square Enix’s Teased Project a Massive Letdown

By Heath Hindman

And then he goes, "Z is for 'Zodiac!' Zodiac Brave Story! Final Fantasy Tactics!"

And then she's all, "Or Zodiac Job System! Final Fantasy XII HD!"

And then Jobin's all, "Looks Chrono or Final Fantasy from that tree."

And I'm like, "Naw man that tree looks Mana shit."

Yeah, I love this kind of stuff because I get to write a bunch of swear words and yell at people. Square Enix teased the reveal of a new project at Tokaigi, people did what they always do and guessed the wrong shit, and here we are with the end result we all knew was coming: nothing.

Project Z is Minna de Spelunker Z, which will be available for PS4 on March 19 in Japan.

While I'm embedding YouTube stuff, I feel like you should know that I was listening to Goldfinger while I wrote this. Probably because of Tony Hawk. But not that song. Or 99 Red Balloons. I was rocking this:

Feels like 1997 again. Unless I'm talking about Spelunker up there. That makes it feel like 1983, which no one enjoyed. On the bright side, Spelunker appears to be a couch multiplayer game, and I do support the hell out of that, if nothing else. And in this case, there is nothing else.

Let's take this opportunity to look back on this time-tested classic: Hey Jackass, Stop Falling for Internet Countdowns.

Heath Hindman
Heath Hindman

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