Land of the Lost. Review

Land of the Lost.

Have you grown tired of hunting boring, regular game? Are the ducks, geese and
pheasants no longer a challenge? How about taking a lovely trip out to a mysterious
island to hunt some real wildlife?

Imagine
yourself battling beasts straight out of history books, creatures that haven’t
been seen in literally millions of years. That’s right – dinosaurs. From the
aerial Pteranadon to the sea dwelling Plesiosaurus, you’ll find plenty of danger
around every bush.

And with this limited time offer from Capcom, you can take a Dino Stalker
excursion! All major credit cards accepted.

As our guest, you’ll board a lovely World War II fighter and promptly get
shot down by our friendly travel guides. (Sorry, but due to this activity, no
in-flight refreshments will be served.) You’ll then be greeted by our not-so-friendly
welcoming committee and be forced to find your lovely female guide on your own.

As you plunge through our patented Time-Space Transferenceí¢â€žÂ¢ rift, you’ll
be outfitted with the latest in dino hunting technology. If you have a Guncon,
make sure to bring it along, though we also support a normal controller. Complete
with a sniper view and ‘special shot’ port, you’ll have everything you need
to fend off the Cretaceous period’s deadliest critters. We’ll even supply a
stylish wrist communicator device. Our mysterious operator will communicate
through this hi-tech gadget (which also doubles as a flotation device in the
event of a water landing.)

Unlike any other hunting trips you might have gone on with your PS2, Dino
Stalker takes you away from the fixed rail and gives you full freedom of
movement. No more waiting for targets to jump out in front of you! This is a
proactive trip that requires you to work that Guncon D-pad with your thumb.
Just make sure to reach the next point before the timer runs out. After all,
it’s been a whole three days since we last lost a client to the unraveling of
the space-time continuum. Don’t become a statistic!

I
should mention that your freedom does come at a steep cost: decent control.
You’ll be treated to a total hand workout through our one-of-a-kind Impossible
Weapon Systemí¢â€žÂ¢. You’ll push your hands to the limit by pressing every single
button at the same time. Want to strafe? You’ll need to push a button on each
side of the gun, move with your thumb on the D-pad, keep your finger on the
trigger and aim all at the same time. Thought that was hard? Try sniper
mode! You’ll do all of the above, except this time you’ll be aiming with the
D-pad!

At least you’ll be able to locate the beasties with our very own handy Motion
Sensorí¢â€žÂ¢. This little radar in your heads up display will keep track of
everything that moves around you, so you’ll never be surprised. Just remember
to watch out for those Oviraptors – they spit!

While you’re out in the field, you’ll be treated to an assortment of special
weaponry, almost all of which are unnecessary. From a simple machine gun to
the ever-popular “laser” gun, you won’t really be doing anything outstanding.
Actually, these guns are just leftovers from old clients that couldn’t quite
make it past that pack of Velociraptors. Oh well, their loss is your gain!

If you’re wondering what the land looks like, just picture a jungle/desert/river
with plenty of rocks and trees in it. We sure like our browns and greens, and
we figured you’d like them, too. Not too thrilling, but at least you can shoot
most of those rocks and trees. You never know when they’re gonna jump out at
you, after all.

Our Dino Stalker package offers you the latest in dino hunting outings
for just a fraction of our competitor’s cost, but don’t expect to have much
fun out there. If the dinos don’t kill you, our weapon system might. Just remember
out motto: No warranty, no refund…and if you get eaten, it’s not our fault!