Shiver me timbers, it be cold up here in space! Review

Shiver me timbers, it be cold up here in space!

Ah, pirates. Who doesn’t love their villainous, scurvy ways? We even have a ride

celebrating a toned down version of their debauchery. In the original Pirates

of the Caribbean, the pirates were drunkenly chasing saucy wenches. Nowadays,

they can be seen chasing saucy chicken legs those wenches are holding. ARRR, it

be a right sad blunder! Since when do pirates have to be Politically Correct?

Despite this, pirates certainly give zombies and ninjas a run for their money

in the gaming world. We’ve got traditional pirates, from the classic Pirates!

Gold to the Monkey Island series. The Metroid

games gave us the Space Pirates of Zebes. And now we get space pirates of a

different sort in Treasure Planet for the PS2, a rudimentary platformer

that at least captures the design aesthetics of the movie, but not much else.

Treasure

Planet is Disney’s space-age reinterpretation of Robert Louis Stevenson’s

classic Treasure Island. Instead of a parrot, we get Morph, a floating

blob with a penchant for repetition. Instead of a single island filled with

scads of treasure, we get an entire planet. And now Long John Silver not only

has a peg-leg, but he’s a half-man, half-machine cyborg.

You play Jim Hawkins, young troublemaker and would-be adventurer, in a mix

of platform and hoverboard “Solar Surfing” stages. Beacons must be activated

in each of the worlds you visit, and beacon quotas need to be reached in order

to reach new stages. Though not in the movie, beacons are the reward for fulfilling

game objectives.

Every stage has five objectives, and two of those objectives will always be:

1.) Find all the golden doubloons and 2.) Find all ten of the Green Energy space

icons. Many of the other objectives require quotas of items to be found. Ye

be doing a right hearty amount of finding, boyo!

Another frequent objective, besides scavenging for items, is braving an obstacle

path. Basically, just get from point A to B within the level. Levels are linear

with a minimum of branching tangents, so you should be able to run into one

objective challenge after the next.

The run and jump platform stages are totally standard. Hawkins has a punch

and a kick, but attacking enemies feels stiff and uninteresting. There are also

“morph pads” where Morph can transform for a limited amount of time into a useful

tool. Some of these transformations include cybernetic arms to bash through

doors and pick up heavy objects, and a lever arm to pull switches. Due to the

limited amount of time, these upgrades are meant to fulfill problems in the

near vicinity and don’t add much. There’s a lot of hand holding as you are led

through the platform stage levels. The objectives wind up feeling more like

horrible chores, and the fun is beaten out in the repetition.

The solar surfing is where the game starts to pick up. Controls are relatively

simple, with the ability to accelerate, jump, and manipulate the sails. Raised

sails are slightly faster, but lowered sails lend more maneuverability. Sadly,

the proverbial wind is sucked out of the sails yet again by the repetitive objectives.

Besides searching for objects while aboard his solar surfer, Hawkins will have

to race through rings. Never seen that one before. Oh wait! I have…in games

like Pilotwings and the accursed Superman

64! Can’t game designers give us something to do besides jumping through

hoops?

When

he isn’t racing through rings, he’s racing through timed gateways. Another solar

surfer objective is to complete a certain amount of tricks in a set amount of

time. Trick variety is rather slim – a board grab and upside down spinning.

Not very interesting stuff, but the last solar surfing level is excellent and

visually in line with the movie.

The graphics in general recreate the visual designs and set pieces of the

movie, but the quality tends to range between disappointing and average. Despite

the jaggies and dim, boring textures, there are a few bright spots like an exploding

nebula twisting in the background. Normally, video clips serve as the reward

for excelling in the game, but there’s an unsatisfactory amount of FMV clips

here. They’ve also been haphazardly edited.

Musically, the game follows the movie with a few different styles, but nothing memorable. The sound effects are typical, with some fair voice acting that has been credited to the same people who did the parts in the actual movie.

I happened to see Treasure Planet and I thought the best thing it had

going was Long John Silver. There was a neat fluidity and depth to his animation.

In a sense, his “acting” was right on. That doesn’t come across in the game.

Instead, a badly animated, rather static Silver just stands at certain points

in the game dishing out the skinny on game objectives. The game doesn’t feel

like the movie so much as an endless sea of objective chores that you will utterly

drown in.

Treasure Planet follows the traditional, generic map of a 3D platformer,

but there’s no treasure to be found. For the less discriminating gamers who

are simply looking for the Treasure Planet look and label, it’s all here,

but the pirate spirit is completely gone. Aye, matey – don’t be after this plunder.

It be cursed!