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10 Reasons why Hockey is better than Soccer!
Posted on Monday, June 19 2006 @ 23:41:11 Eastern

With the World Cup of Soccer and NHL Stanley Cup playoffs currently being played, I began to wonder why Soccer is so popular and why hockey is not even close to number of fans that soccer has. Well, today, I am going to try and convice you soccer loving fans to become hockey fans with what I like to call: XboxLiveLover's Top 10 Reasons why Hockey is better than Soccer!

Lets begin:

1. Soccer players cry. That's right, they cry. So do the fans. A lot.

2. When's the last time you heard of a hockeey referee scalping his tickets to the Stanley Cup finals? FIFA-fantastic.

3. Hey Maradona, the Italians called. They'd like the $39 million in back taxes you owe from when you played for Naples. Oh, and Erik Estrada called. He wants his hair back.

4. When a hockey player gets his teeth knocked out, he keeps playing. When a soccer player gets his wind knocked out, he needs a stretcher.

5. Have you ever wondered why soccer is the only sport where trainers carry that magic spray for fake injuries? Because soccer is the only sport where trainers have to carry a magic spray for fake injuries.

6. Hockey: Blink and you miss a goal. Soccer: Have a nap, get a sandwich, go for a run then put together your new 757-piece television stand from Ikea. Without the directions. Oh look, still nil-nil.

7. Hockey: Fights normally occur on the ice. Soccer: Fights normally occur in the stands.

8. So far, German courts have ordered 3,500 travel bans on English soccer hooligans. As of this writing, German courts have issued no travel bans on Edmonton Oiler fans.

9. Soccer fans always feel the need to remind people that theirs is the most popular sport in the world. Well, Baywatch used to be the most watched program in the world. Did that make it good?

10. Historically, there has been only one interesting game of soccer: Monty Python's Philosophers' Football match. Socrates would score the only goal of the match in the 89th minute, a fabulous diving header off a cross from Archimedes. The Germans, of course, disputed the call: "Hegel is arguing that the reality is merely an a priori adjunct of non-naturalistic ethics; Kant via the categorical imperative is holding that ontologically it exists only in the imagination, and Marx is claiming it was offside".

There you have it, 10 Reasons why Hockey is better than Soccer!

NOTE: This blog is intended to be tongue in cheek. Except the parts about why hockey is better than soccer.