69 reasons why it's good to be a lesbian
Posted on Thursday, August 7 2008 @ 07:14:24 Eastern
I'm bored, I have a little green and blue button in my browser window with SU written across it. For those of you in the know you'll understand I'm talking about the magical internet site called StumbleUpon. This website gathers information on you (that you give it voluntarily) and every time you press the little button given to you via download you're directed to a 'random' website. The site isn't entirely random because it's based on your Stumbling habits and interests. Now, I can't remember what my selected interests are but I'm pretty sure they don't include lesbianism (it's not that kind of site and I sure as hell don't want to read about a bunch of psychotic feminists cutting off penises of guys who looked down momentarily while talking to them like a team of marauding Lorena Bobbitts). Because of this I'm assuming I was directed here because of my interest in lists, pictures of trees or people called Dennis. So in my endless pursuit of Stumbling until I die, pass out or get too hungry to ignore the rumblings of my stomach I find the aforementioned blog with a list which could (hopefully) prove entertaining to read. All the signs are there, the potential comedy goldmine that is lesbianism, the choice to restrict (or expand) the choices to 69 (hehe, funny number ^_^) and of course a picture of some trees and a nice bridge so I carry on reading. So here are a selection of reasons why it's good to be a lesbian. I'm not sharing because they're true, I'm sharing because I'd like to point out how stupid the list is. I'd also like to say I've got nothing against lesbians or gay guys, I couldn't care less what they do so long as they don't try to do it to me and I'm fairly sure the feeling's mutual. So with that, let the poking of holes begin!
"2. You never have to worry about finding the toilet seat up"
"Worry"? If finding the toilet seat up is so high up on a woman's list of concerns then I would probably kill to be in her shoes. Whatever happened to worrying about paying bills? Getting into a rut? Losing your job? Dying alone? Nope, all women have to worry about is finding the bloody toilet seat up. We all know what a task it is to put that baby down.
"3. You can fix your own car and get your hair done within the same afternoon"
You can't do that with a guy? Interesting, because in my experience if a girl wants to do something she's going to do it regardless of the sex of their partner. Do I hang about with strong women? Yep, but why shouldn't all of them be opinionated pains in the arse who don't rely on anyone but themselves? Almost every girl I know is like that and I wouldn't change any of them.
"7. No one cares if you don’t wear a bra."
I don't know many guys who would complain if pinky and perky poked themselves through.
"9. Foreplay is an art"
I... where's the lesbian-centric advantage here?
"11. Women smell amazing"
Yes, yes they do. But wouldn't a straight woman prefer the smell of a man? This isn't so much an advantage as an opinion.
"13. You can cuddle without feeling like you have to “put out”"
Good lord, woman, stand up for yourself! Don't want sex? Don't have it!
"14. You find a woman’s intellect to be sexy"
Whereas an intelligent, charming guy is like dog food smeared with excrement.
"15. You watch porn for entertainment purposes"
... And guys watch it to admire the acting ability of the participants and get decorating ideas?
"18. You never have to worry about breaking a nail, because you don’t have any"
Yeah, only straight people have nails. Gay people walk around with fleshy stumps attached to their knuckles.
"22. I love the smell of a woman"
Good for you, some women don't. Also, this reminds me of something...
"23. I get to do the motor boat in my girlfriend’s fabulous tits every day!
24. I love the emotional availability of a woman
25. I love the nurturing care a woman offers
26. I love watching my girlfriend get ready for a night on the town – watching her get out of the shower naked, put on her perfume, do her makeup
27. I like the feel of a soft ***** over a hard, intrusive penis
28. I love cuddling and feeling my girlfriend’s soft skin
29. I love kissing a woman’s soft lips (yes, both of them – cuz I know that’s what you’re thinking!)"
"I love", "I like", "I get to". Maybe some women are different? (Hell, in my experience they're all pretty damn unique and uniquely unpredictable).
"30. I get to have a best friend and a partner all in one"
Guys are the enemy 0_0
"34. “no man’s ever going to tell ME what to do!”"
You go girl! While you're going you may as well shun your bank (MANaged by a MAN), stop using terms like 'mankind' and 'manhole cover' (it's humankind and person hole cover, damnit!) and ignore male policemen because what the hell do they know anyway?!
41. one word…BOOBIES!!!
HELL YEAH!!! Oh, but perhaps straight women don't see the appeal in those fatty deposits women are blessed with?
"47. The ultimate in feminism"
"54. you can do her front ways, back ways, and side ways cuz the wrist moves freer than the hips""
And only lesbians have wrists, it's a well known factoid.
"55. fingers always fit"
But only lesbian fingers.
"61. The trashman never sees used condoms in your trash when he hauls it away."
Oh the horror! We'd hate for the guy who takes away your rubbish to know you're having safe sex.
"62. If you work it right you and your partner never have to buy your own drinks when you go out… all you have to do it make out… the guys in the bar will just keep em coming just so you keep it going."
"The ultimate in feminism" indeed.
"63. Lesbians know that you can do more with your fingers then send text messages."
And heaven forbid a woman communicates with her boyfriend in the bedroom. We wouldn't want that at all, we'd far prefer to fumble through making the same mistakes.
"67. Two mommies in the house are always better then one daddy on the golf course"
True enough, but what about one daddy in the house and two mummies on a crazy shopping trip or at a spa? The shoe can go on the other foot too Mrs Hymen!
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