"Hippie Game?" I said aloud. "I've got to play something by a developer called 'Hippie Game!'"  (Continued in next slide.)

As it turns out, "something by a developer called 'Hippie Game'" is a boring mobile action RPG that controls poorly.

"Dread" isn't the only thing that's "Out" in Dread Out. It also removes good level design and any sense of what the fuck is going on.

There's a Vita version and a tablet version of this. Vita version was superior because it controlled better and the characters moved faster. Even the producer couldn't make one of the characters attack on the tablet version. That should tell you something.

This game is called "Pretend to Be Interested in Kinect," very popular with Japanese media personalities right now.

Super Rude Bear Resurrection is a fast, fun platformer in which your previous corpses can be beneficial to your play. I spent way too much time with it, because the minutes just flew by. Great stuff. Keep an eye on Rude Bear.

Scratch Pirates is like Angry Birds, but with pirate ships you can customize. I think it's only for Japanese mobile phones.

Shinobi Ashi is about a Japanese salaryman sneaking into his house in the wee hours of the morning without waking anyone up. I hope there's some DLC about his broken marriage and disconnection from his kids.

Speed Runners was some of the best fun I had at the show. We talk about it at length in our TGS podcast, for good reason. This is available on Steam right now. Do yourself a favor and give it a look. This game delivered the most pure FUN of the whole show, especially in terms of couch multiplayer.

Speaking of giving things a look, this guy is giving a look to the curves of some bikini lady with an Oculus Rift headset. I can't fathom doing this in public where everyone can see right where your eyes are going and stuff, but okay....

That's Final Fantasy XIII running off a tiny little box of some sort, via a streaming device. I call the new version "Why Would You Do That?"

I played "Watch in Awe as This Seemingly Harmless Cute Girl Beats the Shit Out of People" for a few minutes. It was decent, but scary.

In this Zoids game, the robot constantly runs while the tablet is the controller. Swipe to either side to dodge obstacles. If you're lucky, the on-screen character will actually respond to your touches. Not sure why a regular effing controller can't be used with this. Fuck, the Mad Catz booth was like 10 feet away; surely something over there could have worked.

Kingdom Hearts 2.5 HD ReMIX includes the best Kingdom Hearts (Birth by Sleep) and the worst Kingdom Hearts (II).

PS4-exclusive Omega Quintet is said to feature Move support, but Move wasn't at the booth for some unknown reason. Heh, nah I'm just kiddin'. We all know the reason.

Airship Q is the result of US 750,000-dollar Kickstarter campaign. I'm as speechless as you must be.

From left to right we've got Square Enix's Dive-In service, the new Chaos Rings, and Dragon Quest VIII for mobile. All three suck.

Battlefield Hardline, during my play, should have been called Battlefield Repeatedly Get Run Over by Your Own Teammates.

Warning: Only play Bloodborne if you enjoy games that are awesome.

In Hatsune Miku Project Mirai DX for Nintendo 3DS, button mode was great while touch mode was meh. I prefer the Vita games overall, but hardcore Mikumaniacs might dig this.

I don't see how this could go wrong. (Tomahawk from Bravely Second.)