One part gin, two parts squirrel. Garnish with nuts. Review

One part gin, two parts squirrel. Garnish with nuts.

Up all night, partying to the break of dawn. No worries, eh? You’re young,

invincible, and it doesn’t matter that your blood alcohol level has sloshed

its way into double digits hours ago.

Oh, you’ll regret it all right. Come tomorrow, the only right you’ll be fighting

for is the one to see clearly and stand on two legs. Not to mention the right

not to puke all over the floor. That’s in the Constitution somewhere, right?

You’ll face a day of drudgery you won’t soon forget, a Bad Fur Day, if

you will.

A brutal hangover and the miserable day that follows makes up the story behind

Conker’s Bad Fur Day. In fact, the game revels in the fact there’s no

real discernable plot. Conker, that little party animal, is at the mercy of

the game designers, tossed from one themed world to the next, up against the

next euphemism or parody sequence.

It seems to me that the first half of the game tries to shock you as much as

it possibly can, while the second half eases into some more smartly conceived

movie parodies. The resulting whole is perhaps the last worthwhile game for

the N64.

Unlike the action of the Banjo games,

everything is kept simple. There are no button combinations or new moves learned

along the way. Instead, you have your basics, from a helicopter jump to whacking

your opponents with a frying pan.

There’s also something called ‘Context Sensitive’ action. Whatever you need

comes at the moment you need it, leading to gameplay that is…err… sensitive

to context. Let’s say you’re about to get attacked by a swarm of bats. When

you stand over the enormous ‘B’ block, a lightbulb ‘dings’ above your head and

you can whip out a trusty flamethrower for some bat flambé.

Here’s another example: at the halfway point Death bestows upon Conker a sawed

off, double barreled shotgun. You can burst skulls and spill blood, but only

within the following action sequence that calls for the gun, after which the

gun is no longer a usable inventory item. See? Sensitive to context.

The result is a staccato flow between gameplay and cutscenes. In its entirety,

BFD is strictly linear, forcing you along a single path from beginning

to end. But what keeps BFD fun is the deduction required to keep you

going. What do I do next? How am I supposed to kill this boss? All will be fine

and dandy as long as you stay on the path.

Somehow I made a jump that wasn’t supposed to be made, and found a B-block

I wasn’t supposed to get to yet. After trying to jump on the B-block many times,

I realized there was an invisible wall holding me back. Damn invisible walls

– the only things they;re good for are keeping the mimes at bay. As long as

you focus on the job at hand and figure out the intended path, it’s AOK.

Due to the accidental erasure of a game save (d’oh!), I’ve ended up playing

through BFD nearly twice, and let me say, this game isn’t one for sloppy

seconds. Replaying the single player quest is like going through all the motions

without the good feelings of discovery. All you are left with is how fast you

can complete the game. Give me a longer game, or at least another ending to

back this thang up.

Thankfully,

there’s a chapter mode that allows you to go right to your favorite sequences.

This mode is perfect for showing off the great cut scenes to all your friends.

Speaking of friends, there are a total of seven multiplayer modes to drag your

buds into. It’s a welcome bonus, but just filler material. The multiplayer games

implement the same control structures and responsiveness as the single player

mode. Frankly, it just isn’t quick enough for the many variations of deathmatches

herein. However, kudos to Rare for giving it a shot.

For a N64 game, these are some sweet graphics. BFD looks as good as

Banjo Tooie while keeping a smooth and supple framerate. There’s light

sourcing aplenty, such as the impressive rave lights to the errant weapon fires

of the evil Tediz. The soft shadows look great, but the shadows don’t always

give you a helpful guide for platform jumping. Despite all this, BFD

would have looked so much sweeter on a less aged system.

According to the credit information, Conker’s BFD employs MP3s for all

its snazzy audio. Just don’t let Lars Ulrich or Doctor Dre know. Instead of

the weak MIDIs that normally dribble out of the N64, BFD music pumps

strong with rich and full bodied instrumentation. There’s even a track that

uses poop and fart noises for music. Doesn’t that just sound yummy? Mm-mmm-mmm.

I’m gonna go grab a spoon.

Another rarely seen N64 feature is actual voice throughout the game. Even rarer

is the fact that these voices are done so well. Conker has an endearing little

lisp. Berri has that, like, y’know, valley girl talk. And there’s even a dead-on

John Malkovich-esque voice. Good stuff for a cartridge.

And is any of this funny? Yes…but in that fart joke, South Park kind

of way. You’ll find yourself up against a sunflower with an ample set of pistles,

a big cog, and a nightclub full of “stoners.” There’s a now infamous sequence

where Conker drinks himself silly, leading to the wonders and joys that only

come from peeing on strangers.

Let me make a point to say that the physics and design of the pee stream are

second to none. The pee stream technology employed is truly revolutionary, from

the arc and curvature to the staining and the dripping. But, I digress.

Conker’s Bad Fur Day is the kid’s game that browsed the adult section

and then loaded itself on Daddy’s private stash. BFD has its crosshairs

directly aimed at the college audience, and it works perfectly for the peeps

who’ve grown up with Mario and are now

looking for someone less dorky. That is, in between frat parties and other immoral

activities.

Looking past the hype surrounding the first truly ‘adult’ Nintendo game, BFD

makes you chuckle and drives you to keep playing. I would have liked some deeper

action or at least a longer experience, but this is still certainly worth the

investment. Now where did I put that Bloody Mary mix?