P.Y.S.T. Review

A PATHETIC PARODY!!!

As I opened the box to PYST, I was overcome with a sense of joy.

MYST is one of the greatest games of all time and here in my hands was

a parody of the mighty master of point-click-solve software. What I thought was

that I had received a wonderful game with a comic twist… What I got was a horrifying

disappointment.

The storyline behind PYST

was nothing but a teaser. Since MYST, it’s predecessor, had over 4 Million

copies sold, PYST takes over from there allowing you to explore the same

Island. The catch is that each of those 4 million plus explorers have turned

the mystical island into a tourist trap wasteland. Graffiti, garbage, dead animals,

trailers, and advertising have completely overrun the sacred place. Sounds interesting,

doesn’t it? So I loaded it up and began clicking away… I thought I was having

trouble with the controls for a minute, but soon realized I wasn’t playing anything

like MYST.

The controls are horribly simple. All mouse controlled, you simply click on

a picture or item when the pointer changes appearance. You can click on a seagull,

for example, and it will squawk and shit. But unlike MYST, you cannot move

around or explore the island. What you have to do is sad! You may CLICK the right

border of the view screen and go to another prominent game screen retouched by

the PYST ‘art’ team.

There are a grand total of eight screens in this “Fun family package”. I don’t

remember the last game I played that had eight screens!!! It’s simply way too

little entertainment, even for a seven year old. You may also CLICK the left

border to go back to the last screen or CLICK

the top or bottom borders to see a postcard from a previous visitor. Some of

the postcards are funny and some of the screen animations will make you chuckle.

The overall problem is that you really can’t do anything at all. It’s not

even a game! You can only watch select animations by clicking the correct picture.

Then click the right or left border to go to the next area. That’s it!

The only two things that I did find humorous are the exploratorium and an

X-Files postcard. The exploratorium has been changed to a “psychic astrology”

reading room. When you pull down the panel in the chair, the buttons have astrological

signs on them. Click one, and get a reading. The postcard was one from the main

characters from the X-Files telling the other about the spaceship area. One other

important thing I should mention is the on-line game extension. You can connect

to the Internet in order to explore more PYSTical worlds and be bored out

of your mind for hours…

If you like cheezy, dry, stupid, goofball comedy, PYST may suit you

just fine, you moron. However, if you have limits to your madness, don’t waste

a dime on it!!! This is definitely the absolute worst game I’ve ever played. Someone

on the planet will disagree. My suggestion is to find that person, buy a six pack

of Hawaiian Punch and make a new friend…