Avast, ye space lubbers!
Gather round me lads, as I be telling ye a rightful grand tale of life on the
high seas. Arrr! Three oarsmen step into a brothel, where a woman of ill repute
greets them wearin’ naught but her…
just a weee bit. How old are ye, me lad? WHAT? Aye, ye be big for yer age. Ye
must be drinkin’ MILK! Still, I be thinking ye aren’t quite ready for the story
of the three oarsmen just yet.
That tale is not for young ears, but I got a game that might be matchin’ the
cut of your jib. It be a salty space adventure in Treasure Planet Battle
at Procyon, a real-time strategy game fit for the youngest of scrappers.
After the right hearty events of the movie Treasure Planet, young Jim
Hawkins is studyin’ to be part of the Imperial Navy. Arrr! The do-gooder! But
thar be trouble a-brewin’ out in the murky depths of space. As a young lieutenant,
Hawkins must command a growing fleet to fight off the scallywags and unmask
the dread nasties. Just like me old pal Bluebeard, but without the chatty parrot.
Ye be havin’ a variety of ships, right colorful with sails, from clippers
to cutters. Ye outfit yer boats with some mangy crew and weapons, though ye
can’t be building bigger ones. Ye also can’t be building ports or plunderin’
land; it’s just you and the ships. And forget the wheel – pointin’ and clickin’
be yer main navigation system. Adjust your ship to different speeds, as they
be circling around your enemies – the slower the pacin’, the more the maneuverability.
The action takes place on a flat 2D playin’ surface, though it be lookin’
like the expanses o’ space. It makes sense, for ye see, the world be flat! And
if ye tell me otherwise, I’ll jab out yer eyes with me fork.
As ye be forgin’ ahead through the 12 missions, the game will point out the
directions yer ships must be steered to. Aye, it be a right easy game as it
holds your hand like ye were a wee baby boy, whether ye be off to rescue a comrade
or after men of the sweet trade. Thar be a good variety of missions, but ye
won’t have much trouble with any o’ them.
yer ship meets up with a villainous affront, ye attack with a range of weapons,
from the faster, weaker cannons to the slower, stronger torpedoes. Ye best figure
out where yer guns be right quick, else ye might find yer guns facin’ the wrong
way. Spittin’ into the wind might be good for those long trips when ye be without
a bath, but shootin’ into the wind be a sure way to wind up in Davey
Thar also be a multiplayer mode against ye mateys on the LAN or the scourges
of the Internet. Again, it be a simple affair, but if ye be playin’ with an
even sport, the action be okay in my book.
While the graphics be a bright and colorful lot, things be a mite dull up
there in outer space. Thar be animated objects like flutterin’ flags and windmills,
but you won’t find much life in the deep black sea. Where are the scurvy little
buggers going about on their business? A pirate is only as mighty as his plunder,
yet there be slim pickins out there in that space wasteland.
Them voice actors is good for the ears and adds some spicy rum to the meal.
The melodies be tuneful and the roars of shots and fires be a start to the senses.
Yar, Treasure Planet be a good RTS for beginners. As ye control yer
empty boats with invisible crews, the constant narrative keep the game moving
along right heartily. This be a game for the little Treasure Planet fanatic,
but the veteran captains might be findin’ it too small a vessel to chase. Now,
if ye don’t be mindin’ me, I best be takin’ my leave to load the gunwales and
Jenny’s tea cup. Arrrrrr!