Still no guts. Still no glory. Review

Still no guts. Still no glory.

It’s hard to imagine that the Olympics ended only a few months ago. Horrifying
visions of that flying girl in the opening and closing ceremonies have long since
faded from my mind, replaced quickly by a
flying breegull.

We all know the Olympics are about putting those spooky communists in their
place through athleticism. Sadly, most of those Communists are gone, and the
true fun of the Olympics seems to have faded with it.

If we wanted to talk about true fun, we wouldn’t be talking about ESPN International
Track and Field for PS2. While it is a step up from the
Dreamcast version, it cannot escape the binds of this aging genre. I vividly
remember pounding keys to some shareware Track and Field game against
an amber screen. And despite all the fanciness and the pretty graphics, nothing
has changed.

From the very start, Konami is working with a tired game concept. There are
some pretty pictures and nice sounds in here, but it’s the video game equivalent
of spraying air freshener into a stinky bathroom. At least this air freshener
is more up to the task than the Dreamcast outing.

The characters are seemingly better shaped than their Dreamcast half-cousins.
Maybe it’s because they aren’t so ugly. Instead of painted-on muscles and stick
figure characters, we’ve got actual curvatures. Indeed, the athletes look pretty
cool.

Environments are the typical fare, but now we’ve got animated audiences. They’re
still pixelated, but the movements make them more interesting. An athlete in
the foreground looks good cast against a mass of cheering little pixel people.
It definitely helps the cause compared to the flat people of the DC version.

In a stroke of refinement, they’ve taken out the overuse of the ever-cliched
sun glare. Take that, evil sun! Little touches are also present, like animated
text between events. For instance, letters from the word “Hurdles” jump around
the screen before finally coming together as the title screen before the event.
Ahh, the addition we were all waiting for.

Once again, the announcer’s voice is done perfectly. If you’ve ever seen one
of these actual sporting events, you’ve most definitely heard the woman without
a soul. Her voice is solid, strong, and devoid of emotion or life. Perhaps she’s
a zombie, just waiting for the day when her undead zombie pals will join her
in world conquest for brains. But until then, she’s at sporting events declaring
time figures.

Nearly all the events involve (if you can call it involvement) rapidly tapping
the X and O buttons. Most events also require that you press the L trigger at
the right time to perform an action. These are all things that you’ve seen before.
Before every event, there’s an instructional video that demonstrates how to
play the next event. Quite helpful. Even though you could probably guess them
all by yourself, I might as well list out the 10 events: 100M Dash, 110M Hurdles,
Long Jump, Pole Vault, Javelin Throw, 100M Freestyle, Weight Lifting, Horizontal
Bar, Trap Shooting, and Rhythmic Gymnastics.

As a former swimmer, I dislike the controls for Freestyle. In another button-tap
tryst, you must tap the top left and right buttons together rapidly. How does
that mimic the side-to-side motion of freestyle swimming? Why not left to right
while maintaining a smooth rhythm, steadily increasing speed as the race wears
on? As it is, it’s just more tapping, repackaged.

In
fairness, the control for shooting is much better than Sydney
2000‘s feeble attempt at firing off guns. Your gun is easy to handle and
there’s a fair bit of aiming leniency to help make it fun.

The horizontal bar, one of the non-button tapping games, is a change of pace.
The gameplay is pretty much a mix of Follow the Leader and Simon Says. You follow
preset direction pad commands. The better your flow, the better you score.

The Hammer Toss, Discus Throw, and High Jump are all kaput. Instead, PS2 owners
get Rhymthic Gymnastics. Hmmm. Actually, it’s nothing more than a simplified
Dance Dance Revolution. I have a passing notion that real-world gymnasts
don’t have unhinged arms like these lasses. There are only three songs plus
a fourth one to unlock. Sadly, the three initial songs suck. If you like this
event, you might as well just wait for the real DDR.

As a weak attempt to stuff some more gameplay into this puppy, there are awards
that can be earned. Some of them I don’t get. Earn five silvers? Earn five bronzes?
Aren’t people aiming for the gold? It’s silly to intentionally aim down. Do
I just stop running at the last moment so I can place second?

ESPN International Track and Field is everything you’ve come to expect
from a trrack and field game, just upped a notch graphically. Lots of button
tapping, good-looking environments and the correct audio help round it out.
However, you won’t play for long before the boredom sets in. They really could
have added another layer to the game with more worthwhile rewards and possibly
even a statistical training mode. Perhaps some more original gameplay events
like the Gymnastic events would have helped. And please, can we stop with the
button tapping? Hmmm…looks like this one needs to hit the training room again.