Still no guts. Still no glory. Review

Still no guts. Still no glory.

It’s hard to imagine that the Olympics ended only a few months ago. Horrifying

visions of that flying girl in the opening and closing ceremonies have long since

faded from my mind, replaced quickly by a

flying breegull.

We all know the Olympics are about putting those spooky communists in their

place through athleticism. Sadly, most of those Communists are gone, and the

true fun of the Olympics seems to have faded with it.

If we wanted to talk about true fun, we wouldn’t be talking about ESPN International

Track and Field for PS2. While it is a step up from the

Dreamcast version, it cannot escape the binds of this aging genre. I vividly

remember pounding keys to some shareware Track and Field game against

an amber screen. And despite all the fanciness and the pretty graphics, nothing

has changed.

From the very start, Konami is working with a tired game concept. There are

some pretty pictures and nice sounds in here, but it’s the video game equivalent

of spraying air freshener into a stinky bathroom. At least this air freshener

is more up to the task than the Dreamcast outing.

The characters are seemingly better shaped than their Dreamcast half-cousins.

Maybe it’s because they aren’t so ugly. Instead of painted-on muscles and stick

figure characters, we’ve got actual curvatures. Indeed, the athletes look pretty

cool.

Environments are the typical fare, but now we’ve got animated audiences. They’re

still pixelated, but the movements make them more interesting. An athlete in

the foreground looks good cast against a mass of cheering little pixel people.

It definitely helps the cause compared to the flat people of the DC version.

In a stroke of refinement, they’ve taken out the overuse of the ever-cliched

sun glare. Take that, evil sun! Little touches are also present, like animated

text between events. For instance, letters from the word “Hurdles” jump around

the screen before finally coming together as the title screen before the event.

Ahh, the addition we were all waiting for.

Once again, the announcer’s voice is done perfectly. If you’ve ever seen one

of these actual sporting events, you’ve most definitely heard the woman without

a soul. Her voice is solid, strong, and devoid of emotion or life. Perhaps she’s

a zombie, just waiting for the day when her undead zombie pals will join her

in world conquest for brains. But until then, she’s at sporting events declaring

time figures.

Nearly all the events involve (if you can call it involvement) rapidly tapping

the X and O buttons. Most events also require that you press the L trigger at

the right time to perform an action. These are all things that you’ve seen before.

Before every event, there’s an instructional video that demonstrates how to

play the next event. Quite helpful. Even though you could probably guess them

all by yourself, I might as well list out the 10 events: 100M Dash, 110M Hurdles,

Long Jump, Pole Vault, Javelin Throw, 100M Freestyle, Weight Lifting, Horizontal

Bar, Trap Shooting, and Rhythmic Gymnastics.

As a former swimmer, I dislike the controls for Freestyle. In another button-tap

tryst, you must tap the top left and right buttons together rapidly. How does

that mimic the side-to-side motion of freestyle swimming? Why not left to right

while maintaining a smooth rhythm, steadily increasing speed as the race wears

on? As it is, it’s just more tapping, repackaged.

In

fairness, the control for shooting is much better than Sydney

2000‘s feeble attempt at firing off guns. Your gun is easy to handle and

there’s a fair bit of aiming leniency to help make it fun.

The horizontal bar, one of the non-button tapping games, is a change of pace.

The gameplay is pretty much a mix of Follow the Leader and Simon Says. You follow

preset direction pad commands. The better your flow, the better you score.

The Hammer Toss, Discus Throw, and High Jump are all kaput. Instead, PS2 owners

get Rhymthic Gymnastics. Hmmm. Actually, it’s nothing more than a simplified

Dance Dance Revolution. I have a passing notion that real-world gymnasts

don’t have unhinged arms like these lasses. There are only three songs plus

a fourth one to unlock. Sadly, the three initial songs suck. If you like this

event, you might as well just wait for the real DDR.

As a weak attempt to stuff some more gameplay into this puppy, there are awards

that can be earned. Some of them I don’t get. Earn five silvers? Earn five bronzes?

Aren’t people aiming for the gold? It’s silly to intentionally aim down. Do

I just stop running at the last moment so I can place second?

ESPN International Track and Field is everything you’ve come to expect

from a trrack and field game, just upped a notch graphically. Lots of button

tapping, good-looking environments and the correct audio help round it out.

However, you won’t play for long before the boredom sets in. They really could

have added another layer to the game with more worthwhile rewards and possibly

even a statistical training mode. Perhaps some more original gameplay events

like the Gymnastic events would have helped. And please, can we stop with the

button tapping? Hmmm…looks like this one needs to hit the training room again.