I Wear My Sunglasses At Night…And Day…And To Sleep…And… Review

I Wear My Sunglasses At Night…And Day…And To Sleep…And…

About a million years ago, a great action movie titled Blade was released.

A million years (more like 3-yrs) is a long time to wait to capitalize on a

popular movie, so when I became aware of this game’s release I asked, “Why now?”

Then after playing I simply asked, “Why?”

Blade is dark. Not dark as in “evil” or dark as in Wesley Snipes’ complexion.

I mean dark as in “can’t see my hand in front of my face” dark. My first instinct

when starting this game was to adjust the brightness of my T.V. I did so, and

the scene in front of me failed to improve. Instead of complaining, I remembered

that Blade never takes his shades off, so technically, I was seeing things

like he would. Or wouldn’t, in this case. Honestly, even with brighter visuals,

the lackluster gameplay places this one straight in the recycle bin.

You play as Blade, vampire killer. Your mission? Kill all bloodsuckers!

The game takes place before the movie, so his trusty partner Whistler, who died

on camera, assists Blade in the game. Whistler guides you through your

various tasks via headset radio, Solid Snake style. The banter between Whistler

and Blade is amusing and surprisingly well-acted considering neither

Wesley Snipes nor Kris Kristofferson are involved. I’m pretty sure they could

have gotten Kris pretty cheap, though.

The game is your basic third-person action adventure with the camera trailing

along just behind the shoulder. The graphics are actually pretty decent…until

motion is applied. The framerate chugs along slowly and gets even slower whenever

more than one enemy is encountered. Remember, vampires run in packs, so you

can probably imagine this game has more slow-motion fight scenes than a Van

Damme movie.

Blade isn’t one to discriminate. Not only does he lay the smack down

on vampire lords and zombies, but he also knocks off their human lackeys with

punches, kicks, bullets, and, of course, blades. Which brings me to the next

problem.

Fighting

multiple species of attackers in this game is an exercise in frustration, not

only because the controls are anti-intuitive, but because certain weapons only

kill certain enemies. Sure, you can shoot all kinds of holes in a vampire, but

you better have the right ammo if you want him dead. So get used to switching

up your ammunitions real quick, because enemies rarely travel alone and it’s

not uncommon to have to deal with three different species simultaneously while

trying to cycle through the appropriate weapons. This is true to the Blade

movie/Marvel Comics mythos, but incessantly annoying as a gameplay element.

To its credit, there is quite a bit of brutal hack and slash going on. If you’re

just looking for an outlet for your aggression, Blade does the trick…barely.

When you add in the fact that the camera seems to have a mind of it’s own,

then factor in the slowdown, compounded with the fact that you can barely see

your opponents because it’s so freakishly dark, you have to wonder why you’re

wasting time on this painfully inadequate, near crap game. You could just play

The Crow: City of Angels. That’s 100% crap

, with no additives or preservatives.

To top things off, the sound effects are nothing to scream about and the generic

techno music blaring throughout the game quickly becomes annoying.

There is nothing here to justify Blade‘s development. Every aspect

of this game, from graphics to gameplay, has been done before, only better.

If you are a big fan of the movie, then by all means buy it. The movie I mean.

You wouldn’t like this game if you were The Daywalker himself.