David Cage is probably the best guy at video game making. But have you played enough of his games to really know you're not a piece of shit? Take this quiz to find out where you stand.
Here's the thing, kids: I lack knowledge of how to code a quiz and our dev team lacks the ambition to draw up such code, so you're gonna have to add up your scores at the end yourself to see where you stand — which, in its own way, is somewhat Cage-ian.
HOW MANY DAVID CAGE GAMES HAVE YOU PLAYED? (Count all that apply)
- Storms a Comin'
- The Brewery Drownings
- Agitated Detective
- Sauce and Sorcery
- Heavy Relationship Drama
- Itchy Trigger Prophe–Oh Shit!
- L2 for Sexbang
- Crime Around
- Two Soles: A Foot Locker Mystery
- Topless Motion Capture Physics
- Judge Jason
- Rundown Leaky House Time Event
- Mad Bad Dad
- Beyond a Troubled Marriage
- Leapin' Leftstick!
- The Dirty Jeans of Shavebeard McGunviolence
- Who's Been Tipping This Coke Machine?
- Press X to Tip Coke Machine
0 = What!? You've never played a game by David Cage? Can you even call yourself a cager, I mean gamer?
1-2 = What!? You probably don't even know who David Cage is and just stumbled across his games by accident. If you knew the name involved with those one or two cages, er, games you played, you'd be rushing out to pick up more ASAP. Look at the list above and get to the store right the fuck now.
3-6 = You've pressed X to dip your toe into the sweet sugarpool of David Cage games, but honestly, you could be doing everyone a favor if you upped your cage, I mean game, a little bit. Or a lot.
7-10 = We're gonna look at this number and say that you're probably young. You're clearly on the right path and youthful curiosity is alive and well in you, to have played at least seven David Game cages, er, dammit, David Cage games, but your cap being at 10 signals time and/or budget constraints. I just want hold R2 to tell you the future is gonna be okay.
11-15 = Now we're talking. You're no stranger here, you ain't new. You've been around the block and can talk about cages all day with your David Game fan friends. You might not have all the answers, but you're a welcome addition to, say, a cagepod about David Cast games.
16-18 = A Cage Warrior, you are. You've pressed X enough times to make a pornographer blush and more cagers… fuck… gamers would do well to circle their left stick clockwise to be more like you.
So how did you do? Sorry to task you with possibly counting as high as 18, but it'll have to do for now.
Leave a comment below or yell at me on Twitter @TheHeathHindman to tell me how your Cagery adds up!