Kids are great, or at least that's what my friends who are parents tell me. I think they're okay, especially since I can just hand them back to my pals when I'm done using them to pick up chicks at the mall. But the best part about other people's kids is that you can mess with their heads and leave it up to their parents to pay for the years and years of therapy it will take to undue the damage of you jumping out of nowhere dressed as a vampire, wolfman, or zombie. And it being Halloween time and all, we thought we'd help you out with some costume suggestions that are sure to make a lasting impression on a child.
10. Voldo – I know he's from Soul Calibur, which isn't in itself all that horrific, but a dude with a gimp mask and blade hands who crabwalks backwards everywhere is pretty terrifying. Think about all the Japanese horror flicks that do that dead kid crabwalking on ceiling thing. You've got the same concept working for you right here mixed in with some Freddy Kruger. Most children will be scared… but some may end up hanging out in leather bars when they get older.
9. Dracula – Whether we're talking the Castlevania series, the shitty game based off the '90s movie, or any other number of his digital incarnations, you can always count on The Count for a good scream. He's nothing like today's modern sparkly emo vampires spawned from the lonely sexual repression of a Mormon housewife – he's the real deal. It's an oldie but a goody. Just make sure you keep an eye out for moms and dads carrying whips and holy water.
8. General Raam – The silent but deadly leader of the Locust Horde is one huge, ugly son of a bitch that I would not want to fuck with. And although Gears of War is nowhere near being a horror game, the thought of a giant, fugly lizard man popping out of the ground and impaling you should be enough to convince you why he's repping on this list.
7. Nemesis – Like we were going to be able to get away without mentioning Resident Evil. I bet it was the first game you thought of in your head when you read the headline and started compiling your own list. Out of all the biggest and baddest monsters to come from the prolific Capcom franchise, he's the most touted and recognized creature. Besides Wesker, of course, who would probably scare kids just as much come to think about it.
6. Left4Dead 2's Zombie Clown – Clowns are scary as all hell and so are zombies, so it makes perfect sense that combining the two would make for one horryifying time for youngsters. I'd say this outdoes Stephen King's “It” 2-to-1, hands down. I'm much more afraid of these carnival dwellers than I am of a tank or smoker. Fucking clowns, man. Scary as shit! [Couldn't find a cosplay of the L4D2's zombie clown… but does that really matter? It's a zombie clown! ~Ed.]
Top 10 Halloween Costumes That Will Scare The Crap Out of Kids (cont.)
5. Necromorph – These abominations made from human flesh overpopulate the Ishimura in Dead Space and can only be killed through dismemberment. They resemble something that H.R. Gieger would have nightmares about. With giant stabby knife hands growing out of their elbows and hands in their chests where their nipples should be, it's hard to imagine someone that wouldn't be scared by this. We suggest hiding in your bushes, then jumping out (or jusy saying hi) at folks as they walk by screaming bloody murder.
4. Pyramid Head – Silent Hill is the thing you thought of right after Resident Evil, but really this game ups the spooky factor well beyond anything RE does and this kooky fella is one of the main reasons. The dude rapes monsters for Christ's sake! How crazy fucking nuts do you have to be to do something like that. On top of that, his crazy metal triangular head gear, bloodied cloth toga, and giant bloody knife make for a damn creepy physique. Just lumber around your neighborhood, and your neighbor's kids won't sleep for a week. [Aww… he's really a nice guy once you get to be victimized… ~Ed.]
3. Michael Jackson – In both the arcade and Genesis versions of Moonwalker, Michael finds children who have been tied up, touches them, and then they run away. And if you can find Bubbles the Chimp in the arcade version, you can transform him into a robot. I think that about sums up my case right there. Oh, and Thriller. I used to watch that all the time when I was a kid, even when it wasn't Halloween.
2. Alma – One could argue that she's just like the dead girl in the Ring who kills everyone, but you'd be wrong. First off, that bitch needs a TV; Alma can pop up out of nowhere because she's a crazy undead psychic. Ring girl just kills you, Alma tortures you mentally before magically turning you into a puddle of mystery goo on the floor. Then there's her crazy ass backstory that involves teenage clone pregnancy. This chick is totally effed in the head. Dress up your kid like her and teach them to freak out all the other children trick or treating and steal their candy.
1. Silent Hill Nurse – The last thing a parent wants is a kid that's afraid to go to the doctor or dentist. So the best thing you can do as a friend of one is traumatize their child to the point that they wet their pants at the mere mention of a check-up or teeth cleaning. Taking the sexy nurse costume, add some bloody bandages to the face, and voila, you're a monster. Added creepy factor if you're a dude and you do this costume (you'll scare more than just kids).