Thor: God of Thunder Review

YYaaaawwwwwwnnnnnn….

Oh, I'm sorry, please excuse me. I didn't see you there. I'm just so… bored. I give every game a fair shot, but some games are just plain bad. They're repetitive, cheaply developed, and shameless cash-ins. Games like Thor: God of Thunder for the DS.

[image1]Actually, I was almost eager to pick up Thor for my now ancient Nintendo DS. I saw some screenshots and noticed that Thor makes use of the dual-screened handheld's vertical real estate. Levels stretch between the two screens and Thor moves freely between both of them. The two-story jumps remind me of the super aerials in Capcom's Vs. fighting series and the brawler mechanics remind me of classic beat-'em-ups like Venom/Spider-Man: Separation Anxiety.

Whoa, those are some very high regards, I know, but let me take this opportunity to straighten something out: Your effort is better spent digging out your SNES and finding a copy of Separation Anxiety on eBay. Seriously, as fond as I am of Thor's graphics and that holy mixture of comic-book-gaming goodness, I can't recommend Thor.

This game is incredibly shallow. You're given total control over Thor in this two-times-as-tall sidescroller. You can throw his hammer, summon lightning, earthquakes, and wind, and generally beat the snot out of an every baddie who's stupid enough to get in your way.

[image2]The problem is, Thor seems to loop around itself over and over again. You know when you're lost and you see the same landmark twice? That's Thor. Thor is that which you can never escape. Thor is always there… nagging at you, taunting you. Let's get out of the car and beat him up!

In short, Thor is repetitive. The same baddies come after you; they appear in the same locations; they attack in the same ways. This means after the first level, you've experienced most of what the game has to offer. Occasionally, a boss will be visually imposing as he stomps onto the scene and stretches into the top screen.

But as much as I admire the graphics in Thor, even the bosses get repetitive… and annoying. The only way to defeat them is performing the same actions, tediously. The first boss, for instance, forces you to spam the Y and R buttons, throwing your hammer and dodging attacks repeatedly until the end.

So, when it comes down to it, Thor never pushes further than its god-like roots. I can only insist you spend your money and time on something else; if you want a game that actually lives up to Thor, try him out in Marvel vs. Capcom 3. Look, I've warned you, and if you ignore me, I'll get angry. You won't like me when I'm angry…. Uh, wrong super hero? Um, f***ing Thor messed my Captain America sense up. Wrong too? Dammit!