WDL is DOA. Review

WDL is DOA.

There’s this cool new show on Comedy Central called Battlebots. It’s basically

a high school physics project that involves building a violent doohicky fit for

combat. Yup, those nerds you were forced to team-up with in Chem class are now

calling the shots as veritable Dr. Frankensteins, creating giant robots of death.

These robots are placed in a deathmatch pit, complete with radial saws, smashing

hammers, and small explosions, for the sheer sake of glorious carnage.

Destruction, robots, and nerds. Sounds like a sweet recipe, both original

and creative. Battlebots is everything World Destruction League League:

Thunder Tanks is not.

Sure, WDL tries to blind you with some bells and whistles, with its

supposed attitude and promises of rampant carnage, but all it really comes down

to is a bland first-person shooter with tanks. Add uninspired control and supbar

presentation, then run like hell.

WDL tries to combine elements of Twisted Metal, Battletanx

and a first-person shooter into some fun mayhem league in the vein of professional

wrestling. But instead of a tight fusion, you get fission – concepts we’ve all

played before, and far better.

At the very least, WDL is a step above its Playstation counterpart,

that piece of unplayable garbage. Still, as a PS2 game it really doesn’t do

much to impress or take advantage of the hardware.

You start WDL with a large range of tanks of different qualities and

sizes. You can play as larger, slower tanks or zippy fast tanks. None of them

are interesting to control. Some tanks are equipped with a strafe, making them

a touch more mobile. Simple enough, but you just don’t feel like you’re driving

a tank so much as wandering around in a first-person shooter with a cannon strapped

to your forehead.

The single player game is made up of round after round of the typical action

game hoo-ha. For example, the classic Capture the Flag. But not just traditional

Capture the Flag…repetitive Capture the Flag. One arena has you grabbing

a flag 5 times; go get it, and then roll back to base. Rinse and repeat. All

well and good when you’re running around on foot, but in a plodding tank…not

how I define fun on a Sunday afternoon.

Another

stage goal involves gaining control of a bunch of transmitters. Control is gained

by placing your tank on a transmitter and waiting for the color to turn from

your opponents to your own. This is probably the most interesting of all the

levels, though it’s still pretty mundane.

The standard camera is set right behind the tank, making for a crummy third-person

game. You can also toggle between an awkward first-person cam or the sky cam,

which is the only really playable view. Suddenly, you can see things in front

of your tank and the arena in which you are fighting. The game sort of takes

on an old-school arcade feel where you move your tank against a 2D playing field

and shoot other tanks. It’s almost fun.

The Playstation version of WDL made me think I had cataracts or some

serious clods of dirt in my eye. Yessir, that game defined grainy. The PS2 is

miles sharper and clearer, but still doesn’t look too hot. You may get some

shiny effects here and there with the shooting and explosions, but suffice it

to say this game doesn’t look inspired.

There are sparks of creativity with the FMVs, thanks in part to the wacky

announcers. One’s a big, burly Stone Cold type and the other is a blonde bombshell

with quite the revealing chest. A little too much fake attitude for me, but

still might elicit a chuckle or two.

Do you like metal music? Not the kind on electric guitars, but the type that you played as a child with pots and pans? Banging utensils until Mom yells at you to stop? Hope so, because the music is comprised of dismal, hackneyed metal tunes that sound like they came from some high schooler’s garage. A deaf high schooler, I should say.

Word Destruction League: Thunder Tanks tries hard with a macho attitude,

but there isn’t anything satisfying underneath. Instead, you get a mish mash

of tired game concepts thrown into an industrial blender, fingers crossed that

the pulpy results will come out a tasty brew. WDL for PS2 is the game

the Playstation version should have been, but nothing more. It’s less than mediocre

and, most importantly, not much fun.